Still Mocking..

I thought i was the only one not going for econs mock.. and luckily i didn't.. haha.. coz i thought it was at 10 am.. lol.. intended to stay up the previous night to study.. but in the end went to tidy my room.. haha.. think i won't be going for the rest of the mock.. i mean.. for what if i won't get back my scripts? hahaa... actually i think those who did less than 4 pages should get back their scripts 1st.. coz it was easier to mark, not to mention a few half-done questions among the 4 pages.. hahaa.. so i'm missing my maths script.. lol.. ok.. now i'm worried.. i don't want to retake.. seriously.. who wants? But some things can't be helped.. i know i'm too slack.. maybe i'm just used to it.. haha.. i just need that igniter.. to thaw me and drag me out of the dark room.. (not to beat me up of coz.. ) Not that i can't.. it's just that i don't want.. Finding additional meaning to it.. to bring it to the fullest. Maybe i'm still dreaming.. well.. at least my room is clean now.. haha.. Next paper.. Stats.. i have phobia.. went WMC during my JC days.. so actually missed 2 weeks of lessons on it.. in the end i always got stucked on the stats part for my maths C paper.. for 3 consecutive times.. ar.. hopeless.. and i have only 2 days..

Other than mock exams, got "bombarded" by wm as well.. coz something happened and he slipped into some sort of depression.. guess the older we get, the more we lose out.. and for me, my 'A' levels was already jeopardized.. and i don't think i want to fool around with my degree.. (erm.. future degree.. -.-").. at this stage, it's quite critical.. and he's a chem engine student somemore.. don't really know what to say..

Celebrated sis's birthday yesterday.. didn't buy the cake (coz brother-in-law bought it) and didn't prepare any presents as well.. haha.. don't really know what to get.. (well.. we don't usually celebrate birthday on such scale..) Maybe coz sis got married and now there's brother-in-law.. ar... my sis's just 2 years older then me.. and.. lol.. and my coke nobody wants to snatch... waaaa... hahahaa.. kidding.. so as a younger brother.. me offer to pay for the meal.. (though i have no income.. ) haha.. yupz.. ordered pizza and it came rather fast.. great efficiency.. or maybe no business.. haha.. oops.. bad karma huh.. $38++ and.. it tasted alright at first.. was their new product.. pizza with a layer of sweetness at the crust.. tasted like bean paste.. and soon, everyone was digging it out.. it just don't taste right.. salty and sweet.. and salty again.. yucks! Remind me not to order that again..

What's Next?

Seems like i've given up on my mock.. definately.. Feel like forgetting a lot of things.. but those i wanted to forget, i can't.. and those i wanted to remember, i couldn't.. guess not everything is absolute.. and not everything can be proven.. of coz.. but somehow, i'm rather disappointed with myself. We do have our own beliefs and there's no reason for anyone to interfere.. but still i chose to feign ignorance.. knowing too much can really be devestating.. so i chose to forget.. and now it has become a habit.. and i know i'm lagging behind.. 5 years.. the gap is too much for me to close.. i'm just wasting time. i really don't know what i want... and i won't succumb to peer pressure.. i won't let it become peer's pleasure.. still being lost since that day.. withholding myself.. think it's my own ice that isn't melting.

Too serious i guess.. haha.. maybe just feeling very helpless to things happening.. Or maybe it's just the mock.. maybe i think i know too much?.. or maybe i'm just not very pleased with this chapter.. haha.. but since when are we ever contented?.. the pasture is always greener at the other side.. haha.. but i'm glad that things are picking up. Perhaps i don't know that much after all.. lol.. misinterpreting everything that comes my way.. it's just so uncertain..

Maybe i should just buy a can of coke and wait at the enterance of the 7-11 near my place.. hahaa.. but what if an ah soh come and snatch? whaaha.. that will be the end of me.. maybe after all.. the one isn't the one.. so i just let my script decides..

A Moment To Remember..

"A Moment To Remember".. yupz.. a moment to remember.. Nice show.. touching.. but perhaps not really as nice as "The Notebook".. i mean the show.. not my blog.. lol.. wondered why the plot from both the show got Alzheimer's disease.. Scary huh.. i've got STM (Short Term Memory).. hopefully not Alzheimer's.. touch wood! Was trying hard to hold back during the show ( i think Serene bought a ticket for comedy = =) .. but one scene got me.. the part where she wrote the letter on a piece of sand paper.. oh ya... and also when he said he would remember it for her.. wow.. really can't take it (so ro.. aww..).. lol.. but no one notices.. whaaahaa.. too bad the story is a bit messy.. haha.. a lot of "extras" and hence shortening the time to fully exploit the emotions.. great show still.. haha.. a must watch. So was wondering after the show.. why do people get into relationship? Won't be smooth sailing anyway - just like what he said to her. But she chose to believe.. maybe it was just as the show had suggested .. for - A Moment To Remember.. Even though she won't eventually.. but he will, and that's all that matters.. Of coz i had my moments to remember.. just like today..

Ok.. so was really trying to "torture" my senses today.. after watching a show that heart wrenching (ok... excluding all the joke about that 70 cents coke and ambushing at the 7-11 that had no door.. haha..), we went to the UK fair.. and.. that Serene seems to be devoid of feelings.. haha.. coz she seems.. no.. was very interested to try out the rides.. seems ok to me at first.. so she wanted the rest of us to join in.. haha.. but Ismond had to leave first.. ( i regretted not leaving early too.. haha..) so left the 5 of us.. Serene was the mastermind.. and the ride seems "ok" to me.. (wrong move again) and nixon also wanted to try.. so left yun2 and jiu mei.. lol.. in the end persuaded yun to go as well.. left jiu mei to take care of the things.. ok.. i admit defeat.. hahaa.. was "high" from the ride.. really fun.. but at the same time i wanna puke.. maybe coz i didn't close my eyes.. kept looking around.. haha.. wanna see how it looks like at the top mah.. haha.. also have motion sickness.. haiz.. weak constitution (+ undigested dinner).. haha.. but the real killer was my bus ride home.. really feel like puking.. haha.. ok.. next time count me out hor.. don't ask me go Escape.. i make sure i escape 1st.. Amidst the fun.. it seems all had "forgotten" about the econs mock on Monday.. Spoiler!

All The Best..

All the best.. ya right.. should be all the worst.. haha.. I focused on differentiation, skipped AP, GP, and Intergration.. and those were ones that came out.. so i got bored.. and attempted a progression question while i still have 1 hours and 15 mins left.. and i spent all my time trying to solve it.. lol.. not poor time management.. but rather, i chose to solve it.. i had other options.. just feel like doing it.. so.. with that, i won't get to see my script.. now i really wonder if i should go for the other mock exams.. lol

Sometimes i wonder.. haiz.. think i shouldn't blog... not really in a clear state of mind.. lacking sleep.. i've been awake for 1 1/2 days now.. and just got home.. coz went to "reward" myself for going to the mock.. haha.. tired.. and there's a feeling of coldness somewhere.. i need a ice-breaker.. haha.. starting my nonsense again... better go to sleep soon..

Getting Started..

It's 4.30 am in the morning.. taking a break now from all the maths.. haiz.. why am i going through all these.. lol.. supposed to prepare long time ago.. anyway, didn't achieve much.. haha.. spent more time watching TV rather than revising.. but at least i did some.. haha.. got to do.. if not i think it'll be boring sitting at in the hall doing nothing.. not studying doesn't mean i don't care, and certainly not yaya papaya.. coz i'm a slacker really.. and the 7k price tag.. it might serve as some form of motivation for the actual exam.. well.. at least i'm getting started. just another 5 hour or so.. it's bothering me already.. haha..

Ya.. watching TV.. other than the anime "Gashbell", think i've found another show - "And i love her".. a jap drama.. really nice.. got glued to the screen because of these two shows, but it'll be over in 2 weeks time.. both left around 10 episodes or so.. might as well.. coz might be studying already.. i need motivation.. ar... help.. haha.. if not i'll motivate people not to study.. rather excited about the exams afterwards.. i wonder if this helps.. but.. all the best!.. update this after my maths mock later..

Bad Hair Day..

Oh great... what have i done to my hair.. looks koo koo lor.. hahaa... miscue le.. itchy hand go to trim my hair again.. haha... no wonder they said not to cut hair during CNY... Yupz.. mock tomorrow.. haha.. still using primary school strategy.. study the night before.. haha.. the first time it failed was during my prelimanary exam at JC 1.. but it worked during my 'A' levels.. haha.. that's why now i'm in SIM.. lol.. i'm just lucky.. Still having the time to blog now.. haha.. really don't feel like going.. really don't feel like going.. what should i do? But i know i need to go.. and i haven't started studying.. IR the day after.. and that's worse.. haha..

Black Hawk Down

Just finished watching Black Hawk Down.. ooo... wondered why i've missed it so many times.. Nice show.. really cool.. and touching too. Of coz, maybe the director is just exaggerating certain components of the show.. but, it's nice ^^.. spurred up certain emotion in me as well.. haha.. rather sensitive.. shall not blog.. lol.. just have to say, i was right in my beliefs all along! hahaa.. Recollecting, NS doesn't seems to be so exciting.. maybe only during BMT.. i guess we're lucky not to be involved in wars.. rather destructive.. and no one would want that.. hmm...

So, was watching tv all day long.. trying very hard not to take afternoon nap... was so awaked that i slept at 5.30am the day before.. i'm getting used to it.. oh great.. but i guess it's better to glue my eyes to the TV screen rather than this monitor.. need to take good care of my eyes.. but here i am again.. and i guess Maplestory would be next.. lol.. yupz... did the skin of my blog from one of the screen shots.. haha... of coz, now with the help of photoshop 7.0.. can tell the difference.. blog is more important than mock exam... wonder how my brain works.. haiz.. just two days.. don't know will be going or not.. might be visiting my cousin at CDC also.. well.. see how it goes.. what can i achieve in these two days.. maybe a completed blog.. maybe i'll complete my revisons? maybe ... maybe.. maybe..

SS for Blogskin (2005)

This was the screen shot i took from MS for my blog

Look! It's a Bird! ...

A bird flew into my home today.. ya.. INTO.. coz there's always some form of discarded food around the sink there.. and i guess it learned that somehow.. it's not the first time... having a bird in your home.. imagine that.. argh! As if having mosquitoes isn't enough.. haha.. total i got 7 mosquitoes in 10 days.. whoa.. finally, someone came to do fogging around the estate.. if not think i'll continue feeding the mosquitoes.. can be quite dangerous.. grandma says my cousin got bitten and was sent to hospital.. dengue i think.. ya.. and i must find a way to keep the bird from coming in.. this is no aviary lor.. asked my dad whether was it the same one.. coz i think they have memory.. and guess what he replied.. he said there could be more.. coz they can communicate via.. SMS!?!.. oh crap.. now you all know where my lameness orignates from..

Didn't attend alumni band today.. just wish to be alone.. haha.. coz the tv is more attractive... was watching the 3 kingdoms.. though i really can't stand their songs.. haha.. China production.. not used to it i guess.. but i quite liked the story.. after that was napping time again.. slept at 4.30am the day before.. not studying also.. don't know what i'm doing.. but i'll put in my best for the actual exam.. i don't like the feeling of regret. Wonder how the others are doing for the mock..

Blogging Away

Think i'm going crazy le.. spent so much time doing the skin for the blog.. and it doesn't turn out nice.. haha.. did everything with MS paint.. i'm suprised.. haha.. think i can throw away my photoshop disc .. slowly.. more to come.. lol.. got the raw pic from maplestory, the online game.. haha.. i'm hooked on it.. definately.. and think i've heard people in school talking about it also.. hitting mushrooms and pigs.. hahaa... i'm not the only one..

Scrubed the kitchen sink once again.. nothing much to do at home.. (excluding studying for mock).. not now.. i still have some things to sort.. but i'm clearer now.. 7788 already.. yupz.. and yet again, i can't blog it.. haha.. starting to ponder about the use of this blog.. = =" Study for myself.. not too late for the actual exam i hope.. haha.. mock exams.. i realised something too late.. haha...

Spent almost the whole day online.. wondering what am i doing.. anyway, got another mosquito.. the 6th in 9 days.. think they have a party somewhere in my house.. hahaa.. i'm not done yet with my blog.. but it's already 4 am in the morning.. should leave some of the change till next time.. maybe i should study tomorrow... its for myself anyway.. my future.. and suddenly its so bright! .. haha... for today only..

Mock Mock.. Who's There?

Seems like the script is set.. and i'm really tired of it.. can't they write a better script? Anyway, i must stress this one more time.. IGNORANCE IS A BLISS!.. oh well... guess it's my itchy hand again.. or maybe i think too much? but i'm really tired.. haiz.. all these info are too much for me to process.. and next, i don't know where to move.. and i think all are getting irritated by it... shall seal it this time.. no matter how much i say or do, it still follows the script... so what does it matter? Find a hole for me to hide.. so that i can finish watching the show..

Mock exams coming.. and.. i've only studied about 5% of what is required.. no mood.. seriously.. but i'm not a bit worried.. used to it.. trained during my college days.. maybe i should have chose the poly path.. and i don't know why it seems to affect my studies everytime.. ever since my 'o' levels.. maybe it's inherent.. that case.. i'm done for.. might as well be a plumber next time.. haha.. There's a reason for everything.. just that day, washed the dishes after dinner.. been a long time since i last did that.. and my mom was so suprised.. and in the end, i clogged the pipe.. = =.. i guess bad karma follows me everywhere huh.. hahaa.. so we have to call in the plumber.. and it cost $70.. me and my bad karma.. so i shall not to the dishes next time.. hahaha.. a convenient excuse.. haha.. So i spent my evening scrubbing the basin to get rid of all the things that might clog that pipe again..

Been so many days.. and the stupid mosquitoes still refuses to let me go.. all the way from CNY eve, i've been getting rid of them.. but it seems that they have lots of "friends".. and it's the 5th one in 8 days.. what can i say.. i was trained during NS to hit them.. hahaa.. for once i feel that doing guard duty wasn't a waste of time.. hahaa...

V-day

Yesterday was v-day... haha... so wanted to hide at home.. but lynette say wants to give all her friends something.. - -.. so must go school and get lor.. might as well.. haven't been studying for a long long time.. i think the only time i studied was during the first few weeks in school.. hahaa.. so i reached school around 2 plus.. didn't know sp was there also.. erm.. didn't prepare anything also.. wanted to skip that day 1.. so.. like that lor.. but i got a card from her la.. erm... all the best for the search for that special someone? .. erm... yupz.. i guess so.. anyway, thanks for her well wishes.

So i chose not to blog it till today... haha.. said i wanted to skip.. lol.. running away again.. haha.. Still looking for a suitable background for my blog.. it's so difficult.. the pictures i took didn't fit well.. and of coz, there's this mock exam bugging me (apart from the mosquitoes)... i've too little time on hand.. and i'm still blogging.. haha.. Will be getting my "new" phone next week.. rather excited.. haha.. finally can get rid of that stupid t-610.. always made me send empty sms.. think i'll burn midnight oil tonight... haiz.. mock exams..

CNY @ BT's

Taken after mahjong session ( 5.30 am).. all the sleepy faces..=P


Look the the Knife Mingli is holding.. and that killer looks.. hahaa..


Caught !! hahaa...

CNY Celebration

As usual, just got home not long ago... haha.. went to "bai nian" yesterday.. And it's morning now.. haven't had my breakfast and couldn't sleep yet coz my hair is still wet. Took the opportunity to update blog and upload some photo.

Went Qiang ge's house yesterday for steamboat no. 4.. the same 9 people of JJSG.. lol.. all my primary school classmates.. When i reached, it was steamboat time.. erm.. actually not really.. haha.. they were playing mahjong.. i didn't know how to play.. so just sit and watch tv lor.. haha.. as usual.. till it was time to eat.. but this time round, they've got the metal plate there, just like seoul garden. ^^.. so ate and ate.. the steamboat got a bit "dirty".. = = .. in the end we couldn't finish the food (as usual with all steamboats).. i guess more food is better than less.. haha.. Actually wanted to rush off early to BT's house at Punggol, but can't just run away after eating.. haha.. so i helped to wash up part of the dishes while the others helped to clear to place.. was almost 9 pm when i left after taking a group photo.. finally a complete JJSG photo with no one missing.. haha..

Rushed for the second round.. was just in time just to eat desserts.. haha.. but i ate too full and the bus journey took so long.. almost puked lor.. i have motion sickness.. haiz.. haha.. but heard that some of the Welfarians left already, including my gan ma grace. Nothing there left for me to do, so i walk around.. haha.. the rest were either playing cards or mahjong.. didn't gamble much, so just sit and watched.. haha.. towards 2300, more people left, all trying to catch the last bus/ train. I've been there for only an hour.. seat not warm enough.. so i stayed for a while.. didn't intend to stay on coz i'm wearing contacts and jeans.. haha.. quite uncomfortable.. then they don't have enough "leg" for the mahjong ... and i want to "chap" 1 leg.. wanna learn.. if not i'll be bored to *****.. so it was Karen, ah ma and Kat.. and just in time, ah gong ziming came and volunteered to teach and guide me... Won quite a few rounds with his help.. one moment he's not around.. haha.. and i have 15 tiles instead of the actual 13 .. wahhaa.. and the best part is, no one discovers until ah gong came to take a look... hahaa.. so i couldn't game that round.. hahaa.. i mean.. having 1 EXTRA tile is bad enough.. and to think that i have TWO! hahahaa.. But before ah gong left for another session, he had helped me won quite a bit.. hesay it'll be enough to last me for sometime.. and it was an Ang Bao for me... whahaa.. Thanks ar ah gong.. ^^ But in the end, i still lost 40 cents.. lol.. And was already 4 plus in the morning.. then we played "heart attack", with the person next to the winner drinking 3/4 cup of water.. haha.. guess the number of times i need to rush for toilet after that.. haha.. was really fun yesterday.. but hmm.. was rather disappointed coz 1 of my friend couldn't go.. then i was missing all this while..

So, i've enjoyed myself this CNY.. guess now is the time to really start studying.. Tomorrow's vday - won't be celebrating... coz no 1 to celebrate with.. haha... lol... so time to go school to use the "smelly" library again.. hahaa.


JJSG~!!

ooo..

ooo.. nice steamboat today.. hahaa... but think coz of my STM, i can only remember part of what happened. Was impressed by the book of answers.. i know it is lame.. but couldn't help.. didn't get an answer.. but it seems to know what's bothering me.. ar.. how should i put it.. i'm just like a piece of flawed mirror, reflecting the way that people behave towards me.. due to the flaws.. i tend to read wrongly at times.. i really need a guide.. where is my North Star?.. haiz.. Actually i knew the answer all along.. just that i'm afraid.. coz i really dunno the other intention.. And all i did was to cover up.. not that i'm ignoring... but i ... i really don't know why i behaved that way.. absolutely not what was in my heart..

Must really thank 12th mei and her family for the steamboat.. haha.. think we've made a mess... luckily they didn't get me to sit outside.. haha.. oh ya.. tried very hard not to accumulate bad karma today.. but in the end still failed.. haha.. But my contact lense are safely in my case now.. haha... Nothing happens - yet. Actually wanted to alight at Bishan on my way home.. coz .. erm.. but decided to go Dover.. wrong move. the last bus left quite a while ago.. i mean.. actually i was more worried of.. ar.. nevermind.. In the end took 2.40 home lor.. hhahaa.. stupid me huh.. should have followed my heart. - too but there's too much i wanted to hide... till i know, i shall confide.


Group photo of Steamboat no.3

CNY!

Took me quite a while to renovate my blog.. lost the title of the blog somewhere.. but some thing still remains. Looking for a suitable background.. so left it blank at the moment. Was listening to the song posted on my blog.. and i couldn't describe the surge i felt.. it was.. so ro.. guess this v-day i'm gonna be alone once more.. lol.. oops.. think i diverted too much.. was CNY! haha.. so must have that festive mood. yupz.. didn't miss out any of it. Lots of bonding with my relatives, especially with the kids and my cousins. Seems everyone have aged in their own ways... haha.. so many changes. Guess i've changed a lot too.. no longer that passive.. erm.. maybe selectively.. more to come next year! haha.. ya.. 2 x steamboat.. and i have 3 more to go.. whaaha.. steamboat year.. and a confused new year.

1st day of new year and i've got a headache.. slept for 2 hours plus the day before... coz there's a mosquito in my room disturbing me.. haha.. went to my grandma's house at Pasir Panjang and my uncle offered me beverages with alcoholic content.. then i got slightly drunk.. haha.. but not as bad as the chalet with JJSG.. lol.. that was the worst!.. haha.. anyway, wanted to forget that episode.. haha.. was so malu.. but was still able to control yesterday.. else who knows what.. sis ask me to try my luck coz she's been losing on card games.. lol.. lost to a bunch of kids 4-8 years old.. lol.. went to test my luck.. and i lost too.. haha.. they are really great.. haha.. i'm impressed! Anyway, a great CNY, and hope things are well for my relatives n friends for the coming year.. and of coz to those whom i've recevied sms from.. Thanks!

Back to.. Chapter One?

Getting more stressed nowadays.. Mock exam is coming and it's been 1 week since school ended.. Don't know what i'm doing.. but can't seems to concentrate.. still looking for an answer but found none. Friends asked me not to think so much.. and wait till after the exams.. but i have no wish to suppress it.. Creating an illusion through self-delusion.. how much longer can it last? The end of the spectrum is what i fear.. and having gone through it once.. somehow, i'm reluctant. As always, opportunity does slip past. A lesson i've yet learn.. and i have too much to be bothered about.. guess staying put might be the answer? Once again, things are dragging.. and chapters after chapters, the story repeats. Letting go of the past, just because there's something for me to hold on now.. I do admit, there're changes to the way i see things now.. But the fundamentals still remains.. Only the cast had been changed.. the script still follows, and it'll be back to the same story again.. haiz..

02/02/05

Another boring day.. went NDC today.. sadly, after 3 years 1 month and 7 days, i still have to wear this stupid braces.. argh.. so irritating.. from what i know.. after next appointment, there's going to be more.. supposed to be the "finishing" touches.. need to re-arrange my braces.. and hence, i was given a 90 minutes slot.. wahahaaa... 90 minutes of torture.. haiz.. stupid braces. Now couldn't eat much.. except for some of the new year goodies... especially...^^

Collected my new pair of contact lenses on the way home.. haha.. i know... they're all waiting for it to get stuck in my eyes again.. - - hahaa.. and of coz.. not to mention that somehow or rather, it might get stuck on my eyes due to the heat and steam from steamboats, bqq.. whatever.. So my optician gave me 2 different types of lense.. one for each eye.. how weird.. so long as it don't get stuck again, i guess it doesn't matter.

Began my revision today.. officially.. need to work very very hard.. virgos are hardworking.. libras are lazy.. lol.. and before long.. here i am.. blogging away.. haha.. time wasting.. anyway.. trying hard to find an answer too.. but i shouldn't be searching.. coz there wouldn't be one if i need to look for it.. maybe after the exams.. i'll know.

How Should I Put It?

Lunar New Year coming ! Looking forward.. especially the special steamboat, with the aww in it.. haha.. a lot of steamboats coming my way.. lol.. i love steamboats~! Ate a lot of new year goodies until i got a bit sick.. having sore throat but kept singing in front of my comp.. haha.. no wonder i couldn't recover. And of coz.. couldn't have anymore chocolates.. didn't know where's the link... but tend to get pimples after eating .. haiz.. so.. trying to resist the temptation.. haha.. but just had a mini mango..wahaha.. real mini..

Anyway.. today is the last lesson of my year 1 course in SIM.. how sad.. haiz.. i miss my tuesdays in school..especially my maths/stats.. anyway.. was rather bothered today.. i didn't know why.. but had too much to think about.. or thinking too much? In the end didn't have mood to study.. don't know why.. i'm not being indecisive.. just not really comfortable at the way i'm being treated.. and of coz.. i'm seen the other spectrum.. the one closer to me.. but then again.. can two people of the same spectrum be comfortable with each other? Quiet and reserve.. intelligent and diligent.. but all these created to ice that i couldn't break.. so here i am.. waiting for it to melt.. i know i have a lifetime.. but sometimes it seems i don't have endurance.. the coldness.. haiz.. kind of dishearten me.. anyway.. so near yet so far.. being on the same spectrum.. i also didn't have to courage to move.. at the first sign of trouble.. and i'll back off.. and it happens way too many times.. from secondary till now.. and my fear is.. it'll happen again.. I have the urge to tell, but i can't.. too much is at stake.. and the newly forged friendship is what i didn't want to break.. just that i miss my tuesdays in school.. all the way till after mock exams.. and till then, i still don't know what i want.. or rather, what people want.. the placebo wasn't a placebo after all.. i knew it all along..

Didn't have lessons.. so could find time to blog all i want.. haha.. intending to buy a new phone.. coz the t-610 really sux.. though i liked its design.. but the OS really can't make it.. Nope. i'm not going to study for my mock exams.. i need motivation.. being in the library doesn't mean i'm studying.. it just mean that the weather is getting a bit too warm.. haha.. anyway, paid 4k for the school fees.. might as well use its facilities... haha.. Might be going to school tomorrow to sleep in the library again.. wahahaa..

Mouse Vs Mango

My mouse is bigger than the mango~!!! wahahaa!!

The Brightest Day

I think the Ex EX-COs had created the brightest bulb.. can even shine in broad daylight.. hahaa... juz kidding.. meant to be a joke.. lol.

Went to YWCA early in the morning to attend a seminar for organizers of blood donation drives.. think somehow or rather got pulled in to make the numbers.. haha.. but i was useful.. the only thing was too early.. haha.. i like to sleep! Was rather touched towards the ending of the seminar.. seeing the little girl having the will to challenge.. what is my medical condition compared to hers? Think she took about 40+ types of medicine per day at the peak.. while mine was only 12.. had to reflect on myself.

First time in my life i find "nua-ing" so hard to bear.. the seminar ended at 1.30 pm ... then was to go for EX-COs dinner in the evening.. so.. the brightest bulb.. ar... one whole year... help~!! haha..

Finally came the long awaited dinner.. but still had to wait somemore.. coz it was really packed at marche.. i'm quite comfortable in the committee .. quite.. but think i tends to get a bit emotional.. i'm still not matured enought to handle certain things.. but i'm sure i'll grow out of it.. had to move on and of coz.. it'll be for the special one.

My Charger Spoil le..

Got back home late last night.. phone was getting low on batt, but couldn't get my charger to start working. Things kept spoiling.. Wanted to switch back to my 8250.. but i think not.. once my sim card got out of my t-610, all the messages will be deleted.. ar... hmm.. but sooner or later, will have to change phone.. t-610 falling apart.. and my 8250 didn't have a key pad! hahaa.. haiz... sian.. so no choice, had to switch off my phone for today.. ar... maybe tomorrow too.. till i find a replacement.. haiz.. but still, i'm very happy this week. ^^ Yupz.. happy the way everything is moving... happy that i can let go.. and of coz.. happy that i got the dnd photo that i wanted from yy.. haha.. Thanks ar~

Marshallow Day~

Starting to accumulate my bad karma again.. erm.. sorry ar yy2... didn't mean to make fun of your eyebrow..ya.. i know liao.. try not to wear contacts.. lol. Went studying after school.. haha.. and went home around 6 pm.. hardworking? Nah.. fell asleep lor.. haha.. till they drew on my notes i also dunno.. argh.. hahaa.. but still managed to study a bit.. erm.. i'm worried lor.. for my friends also.. coz been nua-ing as always.. haiz..

One picture that my camera took doesn't turn up well.. now waiting for them to send me lor... haha.. still haven't recover from dnd.. aww~

Erm.. i'm happy today.. haha.. though it's still a dream.. i still have a lifetime. ^^ Too bad the school term is coming to an end.. come next term, everything will be so different..

Took the title from yy1.. i still don't get it.. where is the marshmallow?

SWE In Concert

Really the first concert with SWE since WMC 2001.. how much everything have changed.. standard had dropped.. mine too.. sad to say. Wasn't really a full concert.. just played 4 pieces.. and don't know why after so long i still have stage fright.. especially i was to sit at the corner.. whoa.. with my bell facing the audience.. anything that i played wrong will be picked up by people who knew.. was rather distracted ... didn't do as well too.. after so much practice.. my nerves still got the better of me.. how unprofessional.

Really very "gan dong" that xiao mei and her friend came for the "concert" (wasn't really a full concert anyway..) and not only that... it's been a long time since i've received flower(s) liao lor.. haha.. so touched~!! Thanks ar xiao mei ^^

Oh ya... xiao mei say muz take care of the flower... haha.. of coz i will.. not to worry^^


The sunflower that xiao mei gave.. ooo.. i'm soo touched.. haha

Dinner and Dance (SRC)

Felt really excited yesterday.. i guess all can tell.. not really because of being appointed as DHOW.. but really i guess i shouldn't eleborate.. The whole night.. hmm.. though it was that, i'm already content.. Dinner and Dance.. i shall never forget.. erm.. maybe not.. i have STM.. argh.. haaha.. yupz.. i'm happy the way things are happenning.. except maybe for my studies.. erm.. haiz.. muz wait until after tomorrow's concert..

After DnD, went to K-Box with the Welfarians.. 14 of us.. and they gave us a rather small room.. then ah ma requested for a bigger room.. and.. it was indeed big.. haha.. very big lor.. was trying to be funny.. lol.. having my own "performance" with the cordless mic.. haha.. wasn't really myself yesterday night.. maybe i was too happy.. haha.. and i think i seems to have overdone it again.. well.. the spoiler of the day.. the staff there lost my K-Box card.. sian..

Was 5am in the morning when everything ended.. wanted to wait for the first train before going back.. was spending a lot these days.. but was very tired.. slept at 3.30am the day before .. still must wake up early for band practice.. then helped them to load the instruments till around 4pm before taking a cab home.. my pocket got burnt.. then got to rush and prepare for dnd..

In the end didn't want to attend band practice today.. so slept until 1pm den wake up.. now going to have a bad cough liao.. sian.. still have concert tomorrow.. ar..

Pictures of DnD'05

The Warlords in SRC~!!


"Bullying" Yun²..


... and got "bullied" back.. haha


Erm.. my arrangement is a bit messy.. haha..


The Incoming EX-COs of Welfare~



The Current DHOWS Mingli and Me.. She's soo tall = =||| maybe i too short..


The Current HOW - JJ.. Welfare to all Welfarians~!!


Mr Ex-President of SRC


SDHOW Grance and me~


SDHOW (Senior Deputy Head of Welfare) Karen and me~


SHOW (Senior Head of Welfare) Pei Yi and me~

Bad Karma - Part 3

The 2 halves of my contact lense.. erm.. maybe not 2 halves.. hmm..

Bad Karma - Part 2

Argh~!!! There's a fragment still inside.. and my eyes hurt.. ouch! Ya.. and to add on to my bad karma.. lol.. me and my itchy hand - it never fails to haunt me.. haha.. Ar...

Bad Karma

Now my turn.. kept making fun of yun's hair.. lol.. and now me got half a contact lense stuck in my eyes.. and it refuses to come out.. don't know what to do.. and i can't go school.. what a waste again.. Half a contact lense! hahaa.. since when do they come in half.. ar.. then my parents suggest me to cry it out.. the problem is, i can't cry now.. and given the stituation, i feel like laughing at myself.. somewhere in my eyes is this half a contact lense.. lol!.. but really, i getting a bit worried.. think i'm getting contact lense phobia.

Dream Dream Dream~

Had a very strange dream last night.. really strange.. was talking about kite and then i dreamt of someone.. now i don't even know what i'm doing.. why am i still thinking? But it was a sweet dream.. and only in fantasy that i could.. ar.. i don't know.. all i know is.. everything is all so wrong.. and i don't want it to happen this way... what am i doing.. looking back.. things were so much less complicated.. ignorance.. or innocence? People at that age can always smile and get on with their lives.. doing whatever they liked.. and the older one gets.. there are much more things and feelings to consider. Always speculating what the other party is thinking.. and sometimes with paranondial results. And that was what causes the string to break.. What a weird dream.. ar.. shouldn't be thinking so much before sleeping...

Will be having concert next week.. whoa.. kind of excited.. haha.. coz i know i'll be able to give my best, to deliever - all thanks to someone. Anyway, it is just four pieces, coz it's a combine concert with chinese orchestra.. haha.. heard their cannon in D.. whaahaha.. sounds nice, except a bit out of tune. Have only two tickets.. and i don't know to ask who.. or rather.. who would be nice enough to give "face".. haha... i don't blame them.. not many people are interested in such things.. so.. maybe have to use "goodwill" .. haha.. but i don't have much to draw on.. Dinner and Dance is already such a setback.. lol.. Anyway, all the best for the band~!

Looking For A Kite

Wahahaa... all about kite flying... think i've learnt something from SH.. Hmm.. the design and the strings.. the holding and letting go.. lol.. i have too much..

Band wasn't that fun.. (in terms of the number of people who came).. but still grateful to xiao mei and her schoolmates for coming... without them.. it'll be more boring lor.. and it sounds awful with that type of instrumentation.. need a lot more woodwinds.. but i don't wish to see... ar.. nevermind..

Will be going to Dinner and Dance.. coz i've promised.. so.. had to go no matter what... might as well... disappered for too long after bazaar in order to keep a low profile.. ar.. me and my stupid hand... haiz.. they all not going.. don't know who else will. I think not many .. then it'll be very boring there.. haiz.. and i want milo...BORING~

Too many personal feelings not willing to share..

Band OT

Got home not long ago from band practice at Boonlay.. lol.. as usual.. when the concert date draws near.. everyone starts to panic.. haha.. managed to deliver again today.. getting consistent form.. hahaa.. i'm so proud of myself~!! hahaha.. Band ended befor 10 pm.. but helped to keep the percussion instruments till rather late.. then took cab to AMK for supper!! haha.. by the time i got home already 12 am +.. luckily didn't have school tomorrow.. but still going back to meet a friend for lunch.. haha.. was his attachment to NP for lessons.. can study in school as well .. too many distractions.. maybe coz it's Thursday..

Got my mood affected very much by someone these days.. ar... i don't know why.. seeing someone unhappy makes me moody too.. am i getting too involved? ...

Hmm.. after so long.. so people are still so childish lor.. haha.. don't know i can't take joke de ar? lol.. bo liao.. spoil my mood again... was so happy after band practice and supper.. ar.. spoiler!

HAIZ~!!!!

Hai hai hai hai hai hai hai hai hai hai hai hai hai hai hai hai hai hai hai .....haaaaaiiiiizzzz~

I was... Drunk..

Went for WSS alumni band pract.. a waste of time.. lol.. got taught by someone who doesn't know his stuffs... lol... think i shouldn't say who.. so i just played.. haha... and think he felt my displeasure.. lol.. in terms of years.. yea.. he was far more superior.. but, only quality counts. And there isn't anything wrong being weak.. but not realizing can be dangerous.. so i shall leave it.. one of the reason of being there.. to prove myself - with of without braces. I'll get the principle seat.. with my capabilities.

Went back to Pasir Ris after band for bbq.. carried my horn around also.. frm Bishan.. lol.. so heavy.. haha.. coz no space for me and my horn.. so must carry it.. think it's about 5kg..

Back there and they are still playing mahjong.. haha.. gambling den sia.. After that we played zhong ji mi ma.. and guess i'm very heng... tio 5 times.. and each time had to drink 1/2 cup.. and the last time i got drunk was during jasmine's chalet with the Warlords.. and that time was only 3 cups.. and it wasn't that strong also.. i'm not a good drinker.. lol.. so i was drunk this time round... really drunk.. and i did a lot of stupid things.. lol ... thanks for reminding me..

Intended to go for another band practice the following day.. this time at Boonlay.. and had to reach there by 10 am.. lol.. and the whole thing ended very early.. maybe was 4 am+.. i didn't really know the time.. was having a headache.. by the time i woke up, was already 7.30 am.. the rest were still sleeping.. lol.. so i got changed and left by myself.. but before that, Tingli woke up and saw me.. lol.. attempt to sneak out failed.. = =

So i gong gong walk back to MRT station by myself.. early in the morning .. without much sleep and a headache.. and still have to play in the band.. lol.. but i was happy.. i managed to deliever during band.. lol.. suddenly was so confident.. don't know why.. and last week too happening.. so much to blog.. lol..

AfterMATH(s)

Mentally drained after yesterday's tuition.. 3 hours of A. maths at one go.. think i've never done more maths.. lol. Anyway, vomitted a lot of blood trying to teach. I can't be a teacher for sure.. lol.

But think i'm in some sort of trouble.. i hope not. It feels weird to be at the receiving end.. maybe i think too much..

Lunch @ Clementi

Was very pissed off today.. went for maths lecture but ... seems that a lot of people from other class came.. by 8.45, the whole place was almost full.. was rather late these few days coz haven't adjusted to the time yet.. and of coz.. still couldn't get onto the bus. End up not having enough seats for them.. and i just couldn't stand those who are not from the class.. behaving as though they owned the right.. i mean.. i saw a few rows of people whom i never seen before. Fine.. was my fault for not coming to school VERY early... Next time i reach school by 8 ar.. and i book the whole LT! Da bian de lor..

So.. was so - - that i skipped lecture.. maybe i go some other day.. Now have the time to rot in the library.. Hahaha.. Ar.. my day is ruin.. still have a long day ahead. Don't know since when i've started giving tuition.. lol.. can't even take care of my own studies lor.. haha.. and the worst part is.. i'm not charging... ar.. crap la.. feels like a "vegetable head" .. nah.. just helping a friend.

Will be going to Toa payoh to give tuition later in the afternoon.. a place full of forgotten memories.

Was still wondering why i over-reacted this morning.. Knew there were some seats left.. but my scales were tipped again.. this time by myself. For those who don't know me well.. my temperament is unmatched.. lol.. think i didn't have enough sleep.. maybe i wasn't keen on the lesson.. maybe coz i failed my friends.. maybe i'm just late - relative to those who came early. Actually i'm 15 minutes early for the lesson.. ar.. how can it happen.. so.. just another in school for lunch.. lol.. all the way from Bishan to Clementi - for lunch.

New Year New Beginning

Whoa.. finally after 5 days.. the fever subsided.. but then.. had to make a trip the following day to Boonlay for band practice.. haha.. getting a bit bored there huh.. haha.. but..nevermind.. the concert's in 22 day's time.. and the best thing is.. i still don't know my parts! Haha.. how unprofessional.

These days had been quite dull "grounded" at home.. lol.. and can't join my friends outside for the countdown.. end up sms-ing till early morning.. a rather different way to welcome new year.. haha.. think my sms gonna exceed for this month too.. maybe a change of plan.. and maybe a change of phone?? But.. i want to keep the message..

After studying for two days.. only completed ONE topic of econs.. and it's just the first topic.. hahaa.. slow.. i need to study in school.. ar.. monday.. i can't wait.. but the library stinks... /.\

Should i repair my comp.. maybe not.. need to cut down on usage.. P2 should serve the required purpose.. Just that i can't play maplestory lei.. sian.. very sian.. hahaa..

Happy New Year! - to me, my flu and this P2 comp..

For no reason.. my comp went on strike again.. this time i really don't know what's wrong.. maybe the power supply unit blew again.. lol.. maybe motherboard? Or maybe the cable? So many posibilities.. and of coz.. the need to spend money again.

New Year's Eve.. and here i am blogging.. can't go out coz of the flu.. how boring to stay at home.. stuck with this P2 comp, with windows 98 OS.. lol... the year is 2005 liao lor.. Still haven't recovered from the flu coz of the weather.. had been rainning non stop. Haiz.. what an awful feeling!

What a way to get me start studying.. lol.. maybe i won't get it fixed soon. I mean.. well.. nevermind. School starting~! And i'm excited! So i guess.. my new year resolution.. to pass all my exams? Just a pass will do.. i think i really played too much ..haha.. hopefully the others will be able to score..

January - will be having wind band / chinese orchestra combine concert on the 23rd. My first "official" concert with SWE since WMC.. how much the band had changed... No longer as strong and confident.. Though i've made more friends there now, the feeling was no longer the same. Something seems to be missing.. Was contemplating whether to leave or not.. I really can't decide. This is our last link.. something which i hoped to preserve.. maybe i should take another long break.. and hope that everything will be alright when i return.. maybe they would have disband by then? Hopefully not.

So... it was a boring New Year's Eve for me, with only my flu and this P2 comp to accompany.. lol!

Aw-ful Day

i'm sick le... haiz.. for two days already.. and it could only get worse.. felt so awful.. spent most of my time sleeping. Wanted to study but then.. feels so weak.. can only online.. hahaa.. i dunno la.. it seems that i won't recover so soon.. i need another doctor... and of coz .. the placebo.

Saw all the chocolates.. ar.. wanted to eat but can't.. sore throat and flu.. haiz.. what a bad new year.. most likely i'll spent it at home. Really must study.. i don't want to repeat.. the feeling of regret.. i've promised myself.. but wait till i recover.. haiz..

Merry Christmas!!

So it was a xmas with 9th mei, 12th mei and deqi.. went to marche to have xmas dinner. Then saw 14th mei there with her friends .. actually i wanted to go to the airport one.. coz i really hate being in a crowd. But then again.. coz berry working at that area.. and for another reason also.. coz Serene already inside ... might as well join them.

After dinner we went out.. and it was .. !! hahaa... Had much fun playing .. lol.. Serene already left for home, coz she went off with her friends.. den we made a visit to her place after the countdown.. to give her a surprise!

Felt so strange trying to type out all the happennings.. hahaa... but i think i had my aww today.. even if it's a dream.. i'm willing to take the risk. But then.. i must think of that person less... i mean.. sometimes have to take things in my stride.. i dun want to put pressure on the existing vulnerable friendship.. get to know her better... and see how it goes.. if in the end we aren't together.. then we wasn't meant to be. Meanwhile... i'll treasure all the exsiting memories.. ^^.. What a great Xmas!

AWWWWW!!!!!

Every Monday and Tuesday sure got overdose... ar.... melt 1st then boil? Too bad the school term is coming to an end.. and i don't know what year two will be like. Maybe none of the class same.. after all, i'm on a different course... but think i better worry about this year 1st..

Was doing my forte in school again.. nuaing! And the worse part is, i'm getting better!... After lessons nua all the way till 4pm.. wahaha... coz jiu mei not feeling well then didn't attend school.. in the end left Ismond and 14th mei.. Not prepared for studying.. so me and 14th mei nua while Ismond tried to study. Ya.. think we wasted her time... coz kept talking and laughing.. haiyo... next time muz be serious le.. Study! ^^

AWWWWWW~

I think i gonna melt liao la... but then again.. i know it is just a dream.. haha.. but i prefer to wake up by myself. Think i can't contain it anymore... how stupid of me.. tried to deceive myself.. what placebo.. haiz..but all because of the burst bubble.. i think i won't go.. maybe i misunderstood.. maybe the bubble didn't burst.. but then again... maybe it is really a dream. No matter what it is.. will have to leave it and see how everything goes..

Went to KTV today.. sort of making up for yun's bday.. coz i spoilt her marche outing. But in the end, i forgot to pay her.. hahaha.. Yupz... i think of all those KTV "outings"... i liked this the best. ^^ Found another voice that has that particular tone.. erm.. just that i'm very happy lor... ^^ But today not my bday..wahahaha... oops. Keeping the details locked .. shhh... =p

Heard from jiu mei that she seems to be very sick... i dunno which sickness affect her most.. hmm... maybe the combination of both? Yupz.. jiu mei muz get well soon~

Had so much to blog.. but again... time to keep something for myself.

I Don't Want To Know!

How fast... the bubble burst... = ( Heard something which i don't wish to know. And to trust or not to trust... i don't know. It certainly affect me much. Should have stayed home instead. What is so interesting about my thoughts? Why do they have to dig out everything... Maybe they care.. maybe it is just plain entertainment... i don't wish to be the cast.

So the night ended.. i never planned to do anything anyway. Just feeling a bit disappointed... but couldn't show it. Knew it would happen.. that the bubble would burst someday.. but i didn't expect it to be so soon... how high it flew.... and that was how hard i fell.

Still wondering .... why do they have to tell me all that..? Let me continue to dream.. let me have that false hope that motivates... let me have the awww... let me be the ignorant one.. just let me... just...

Never knew that the effect could be so great.. perhaps there was a multiplier? I really don't know... maybe had to find a way.. hiding something again... shouldn't show it.. and think i got it... haiz is the final answer.

Yun's and Di's Bday Celebration~

Finally found the time and energy to blog.. been almost a week... Celebrate Yun's and Di's birthday yesterday.. Knew it was VERY early for them, especially 12th mei.. but the Warlords are so busy... hard to find a date where by everyone could come together.. Not to metion her marche "outing" also.. think i ruined that also? Especially when she asked someone to join us.. haiz...what have i done... But still, i think i liked Suntec's marche.. so nice.. so romantic.. but.. haha.. after that we went to the "sky garden" .. wahaha.. think i found another place.. too bad didn't have anyone to bring.. for another 2 years perhaps? Thought the oreo cake was going to be nice.. end up tasting so different.. i can't even taste the oreo .. huh! Won't buy from them again.. haha.. and the birthday celebration... think all of us got used to it? Can't feel the joyous mood anymore...

Actually today is quite different.. another reason for blogging.. the rest of them play missing today.. haha.. all dissapear from school.. in the end left Ismond and Ah li staying in school for lunch.. and for 3 person ... we still can't find a seat.. think all NP's fault.. haha. End up sitting along the 1st floor corridor.. and i told them.. if we really can't find a seat, then we'll have to sit by the roadside liao.. After lunch, the both of them wanted to study.. i've also prepared to study stats.. But that ah li... don't want to say her ar.. study halfway wanna pang seh.. go study wif her another friend.. if only i knew.. would have agreed to go to the library instead. Coz left we two there.. and got people smoke also.. library better... Next time perhaps?

KTV Again...

Another round of KTV today.. wahhaa.. this time really no voice liao... Went to one nearest to my home.. but that place was actually quite small. Service seems poor.. maybe the turnover of guests was too high.. and they actually wanted to charge us the standard price for 3.5 hours. But luckily they didn't ask us to leave at 10.30pm.. coz we were actually quite pissed off already. Had to look for the room ourselves, switch on everything by ourselves... and no one to serve the drinks.. Still prefer the one at cClementi.. think we every month went until the staff knew us.. haha.. Anyway, we left only at about 1 am.. haha.. till we got sick of singing.. Some other groups were singing very loudly.. so we "challenged" them.. picked all those songs we can whack.. haha.. Now really no voice liao..

Didn't have dinner so went to have supper.. think my friend "dai sai" or something.. the outcome all unfavorable.. First was the ktv.. then came supper. Though he had asked for chili, the stall owner didn't pay attention.. so we "request" again after she had prepared the noodles... think she got irritated ... and.. gave us two full spoonful of chili IN our noodles.. hahaha.. maybe someone didn't bathe.. haha.

Still having lessons tomorrow.. finally one which i don't need to wake up early..and the best part is, there's no need to look for seats. Suddenly i agreed with what someone had put on my tagboard.. to live my life with vigor. . lamenting over something that happened so long isn't worth it. Anyway, looking forward to the band performance next January. I'm lagging in everything now.. haha.. who cares? ^^

Stupid Computer \ . /

Went to KTV again.. but this time round with SRC Welfarians ^^ Was really impressed by our SRC President's singing.. a powerful singer.. my ah ma also.. haha.. Seems the welfare department is full of talented singers. Sang until no voice ... coz was hogging the mic.. haha.. felt a bit bad... coz i ended up singing the last few songs..

Had another project going today. Was xin yao's turn (sounds like someone's name..) ... had a completely different idea of what it was before i saw it.. Anyway, it was all over! Just like the bazaar.. throw one side and don't think about it.. haha.. Speaking of it.. my seniors had helped me recovered my power strip ^^ haha.. though i've already bought a replacement. No harm having an extra..

Having problems with my computer again..Internet connection was down and my graphic card couldn't function properly.. Thought it was a software problem... and itchy hand went to reformat it while trying to solve.. Discovered that it was actually a hardware problem.. Got it fixed anyway.. was already past midnight. Just take it as a practice.. in preparation .. for something else.

Finally able to catch up with lectures these days.. i'm hyper charged. But still lagging in certain topics.. especially maths and stats. Need someone to guide me... Also didn't hand in tutorials and didn't attend test. Wonder what i'm doing in school.. haha.. the same thing happened in my JC days.. what a waste of time.

Again, another sarcastic remark from the same person.. lol.. knew it was meant to be a joke.. but anything too repetitively can be disastrous.. Someday, i'll interpret as a form of hostile intention and may take it personally.. maybe he don't need another friend.. or does he prefer an enemy instead?

Had to sleep early again.. need to reach school early to book seats.. Still can manage with NP, SP and RMIT on holidays.. but i'm not sleepy.

Done

Had my computer reformatted.. finally.. had to go through the grueling process of reinstalling the sofwares.. But was able to get online within a day .. haha.. had to practice more..

I Don't Know

Had been real busy trying to change my lifestyle these days. Finally got my computer fixed.. but spent quite a bit buying the hardware. No longer interested in going for band practices.. Nothing worth going. Seems to have no bond there.. and i still can't see the direction. Of course, there's something which i don't wish to stir. Lies and more.. i had enough. And the more i realise, the more i don't wish to go. I've lost my commitments there. Might as well. Things were dragging for too long..

Went to NDC a few days back.. and got rather disappointed. Still couldn't take down my braces. My teeth are as stubborn as me. Almost three years.. it is taking much longer than i've expected. But it no longer bothers me as much. I've learnt to play the horn with it.. and the ulcers that come with it after every practice. Now my orthodontist is gettiing impatient too. Made me wear the rubber bands.. and double the quantity too.. haha.. having difficulties trying to open my mouth.. not to mention the pain the comes with every bite. No wonder i couldn't gain any weight.

Received an email from SWE.. now they've change the venue of band practices from Tampines to.. Jurong.. =.=" Does it make any difference.. From extreme east to extreme west.. haha.. and for 2 years, i've been to that almost everyday. Now i'm going back there again. Fortunate thing is that won't be that lost there.. Still have to make 3 transfers.. with my instrument somemore.. how am i going to manage..west side is always packed with people..

Thought of something that made me very happy.. wonder how long it will last before the next plunge. But that is just part of the cycle. And.. i've run out of titles!.. haha..

Xin yao coming soon.. wish them all the best!

The Incredibles

Second day of the week.. i'm suprised. Still feeling so hyper.. nothing can dampen my mood. ^^ Though couldn't study with my sp today.. she had no lessons.. But expected it anyway.. she's still the same.. as busy as usual.. haha.. Went to maths lecture early today to book seats. Seems like i'm the early one during these few maths lecture as NP students are now having holidays. But it will end soon.. sad case.. haha.. and i'll have to wake up early again. -.-"

Now beginning to understand what Meena was teaching.. on probability.. and bazaar is over! Hahaha.. can concentrate.. no wonder i feel so happy.. haha.. But now and then, still will receive calls regarding the bazaar. Yesterday was a vendor complaining about their goods being lost .. and today the admin called and asked for their extension cables.. hahaa.. haiz.. will it even end? We got back our maths test paper today.. i had 66%.. the lowest among them.. sian.. haha.. and Wenli had 80+ i think .. and while collecting the papers, i saw a full marks script.. and it belonged to.. Ismond. Knew maths was one of her forte... she had A for her 'A' levels.. but couldn't imagine she is so li hai.. wow~ Then we all kept making fun of the incident.. haha.. said we wanted to paste the script on the board and then people will want to beat her up coz they jealous mah.. haha.. but really ... won't be that evil la.. Maybe ask her be our tutor? Hahaa..

Since my sp didn't turn up today, i also didn't have the motivation to study. In the end went to watch the incredibles with 9th, 12th and 14th mei.. Turned out to be a right choice ( i mean the movie). Haahahaa.. was so entertained by the show lor.. too bad Serene's friend couldn't join us.. had prepared to study, so brought along a lot of study materials.. hmm... virgos are so hardworking.. hmm.. maybe next time lor.. and Serene kept laughing..all the way leh.. haha. The most funny part was when Jack Jack turned into a.. er... what was that? Hahaha... a baby human tourch? Was so funny lor..

Still eating a lot nowadays.. really want to gain more weight so my clothes won't look so loose.. Still a long way to go..^^ Found another thing to work towards.. won't be so free to let my mind wander again.

Nothing Is Permanent Except Change

"the universal human yearning for something permanent, enduring, without shadow of change” - Willa Cather

But the fact is, changes are prevalent. Security will not last long... but without changes, everything will be so monotonous.. i'm still an optimist.. but now becoming a realist soon.. if people keeps showing their selfish nature.. Soon i'll learn it from them.. and till then, let's see who can be more selfish.. muahahaa. Still, compassion can revert all that... but it'll only happen in a state of adversity. Learning not to take things for granted.. and be less self-centered. Confident but not arrogant.

So i've decided on a change in my lifestyle.. need to catch up already.. if not i'll always be lagging.. Think i'll have to keep myself occupied. Stayed back after school to study and found that i can only comprehend 1.5 pages of my econs after staring at it for 2 hours.. It's so tough. And that is only for econs.. think my maths is a goner.. and IR.. i will have to skip it once again this Wednesday.. 2 times in a row.. total i skipped 3 - 4 IR lectures... hahaha... time to panic..

Still have a lot of things pending.. a lot of things yet to buy.. that includes a powerstrip, which i lost during the bazaar, a 256 RAM... and so on.. And also quite a number of things to do.. That includes studying. I need someone to guide me. I'm lost.. in academic. Didn't want the medicine nonsense to bother me.. so.. i'll KIV it. I guess, first priority is still studies.. it was already bad enough not to get into local university.. and the same type of problem again.. though in a lighter degree. Nothing will rekindle that feel for now. I'm determined. Of course, i'll still enjoy life.. felt so happy today.. at least i've achieved something.

Was actually looking forward to Tuesday .. coz someone was accompanying me to study.. but now it depends.. well, kind of understand it.. all the way from Hougang to Clementi just to study.. =.=" .. coz there's no lessons tomorrow.. kind of disappointed. I'll hold on... letting go everytime when there's problem.. that shouldn't be.. wouldn't want the feeling of regret anymore. Not now. The indecisive nature has to be kept in check.

And i don't want to lock my fate that soon..at least not with this.. Erm.. don't ask me what's my decision.. i don't know. Libra and Virgo sure don't match.. (it was an excuse) Who knows what will happen in the future? Might be something very interesting.. maybe something else.. Still, studies first....^^

Jedi and Warlord... they are not natural enemies... hahaha.. now i finally understood.

Must sleep early today (but it is already 1.20am) and try to reach school early tomorrow to book seats.. coz don't know why Serene kept coming late for stats and hence ismond is always earlier. And even when i've booked the seats, she'll missed it... coz Serene is not around? haha.. maybe she didn't expect? Nevermind.. this time round i'll make sure to let her know.

I'm Sorry..

Sorry to someone.. think i can't put the name here.. i've done enough damage to the reputation. Just a few, more days.. and i'll be back from my rest.. will have to concentrate on my studies.. didn't want to retake any subjects on my second year. It will be very expensive lo..

Didn't know what happened these days... had been sleeping through all the day.. maybe need to recharge after the bazaar? Will be having econs lecture tomorrow.. seems i'm lost.. skipped the consultation.. now i don't know what is going on. Maybe i'll go there just to have coffee.. and hopefully.. my milo.. oops.. ya.. i can't have my milo anymore..

Medicine Problem Again..

Still couldn't believe that the bazaar is over.. hahaha.. think i'm going to celebrate~!! Overall, i don't like the month of November. July is still the best! So free to do anything.. Nowadays seems to have too much to do, but no energy to accomplish. Or maybe i have too much to think about?

The use of placebo had been disapproved.. had been unfair to placebo.. Better to keep my mouth shut. Don't know why.. but i kept thinking of someone.. Still.. i'm hesitant... Ar.. Bazaar ended and i start my medicine nonsense again. Maybe it was over exposure? But i really need my placebo to divert my attention..

Last Day

Last day of bazaar~!! Wahahahaha.. tired but glad. What is over doesn't matter anymore. But i really have to say, it really tipped my scales back when so many people were around to wrap up everything, even people not in the committee. Think i went too far somehow.. resorted to sacarsm instead of being firm.. haha.. i'm not born to lead, but to follow. Since everything is over, i want to forget this episode soon.. haha.. bad memories shouldn't stay.. I'm back! hahaha..

So happening today.. early in the morning, Karen, Jasmine and me went to get our free breakfast-Yogurt Ice Cream! Should have asked the vendor in the first day. The first cup i had was chocolate chips cookie with banana!? Thought it wouldn't taste nice coz i don't like to eat bananas.. =.=" But it turned out to be the opposite. I think it is because of professional help.. haha.. that stall owner help me to choose. Then i "kay kiang", .. afternoon went to mix one orange with kiwi.. and jiu mei kept making fun.. say what orange and green.. really that funny huh? Ya.. and jiu mei takes after my ah ma liao.. they always have the same taste, same temperament, and don't what think else.. can be scary wif 2 x ah ma or 2 x jiu mei.. hard to fight ... Now that the cold war is over, they can combine forces.. Better not offened them. And don't know why someone still want to fight with me on Friday.. Wrong day.. and i'm too tired to fight..

Spent a lot today at the bazaar.. maybe coz today is the last day.. maybe coz the business is poor for the vendors.. altogether i ate one chicken pie, one beef pie, three mini egg tarts and one saussage.. haha.. those are my breakfast, lunch and dinner.. Skipping lunch these few days.. so had to eat somehow or rather.. if not i'll be reduced to bones.. lol.

Went to watch talentime finals today.. wasn't as great as the semi-finals.. but actually was there to hear president of SRC to sing . But end up got stuck.. coz some of the contestants were really good.. all except.. opps.. bad karma.. haha.. but it was damn funny.. hahaha. I should say..he's very confident!

And when bazaar is over.. i'll think of my medicine.. saw someone during talentime today.. no wonder i stood back that time. He was still with her.. and he, is my college friend. And he knows about my intention too.. got me stalled and backed off.. i don't like competition.. and especially so with a friend. But, is it really true that once the feeling is lost, it couldn't be recovered anymore? i don't know.. but i saw her these 3 days during the bazaar.. coz i was too free.. kept walking around. Thought i was immune.. but i felt something.. seems like some glowing splint.. but i know it would get replaced soon by my placebo. It was meant to be this way.. Push, pull or whatever.. i'm lost.. can't the signal be clearer? I'm drifting... haiz..

So... everything is over! Want to thank my seniors, especially Karen, Jasmine, Grance and Ziming.. not forgetting.. the bazaar committee and welfarians from other department!

Almost Accidentally In Shock..

And "accident" happened while i was trying to log on.. lent my powerstrip to one of the vendors today and he didn't return me.. or was it still at the booth? But because of that, i had to use a multiplug for my router. Heard a loud boom and the power supply for my unit got cut off. I saw the sparks from the power point .. at that point, i was stunned.. it happened too quickly. Think i could have got electrocuted.. and the accident will become a tragedy. But i really got a shock.. luckily it wasn't an electric shock.. Couldn't think of anything now.. a lot of things to update on the bazaar... but i've forgotten.

Wondered what will happen if i really died just now.. my mom was very worried. She was around when the power tripped. And she saw and heard everything.. Kept asking whether i was alright. Got her worried again.. haiz.. And i still don't know where my medicine is..

Was typing and trying to recover from my shock.. but... someone caused my fuse to blow.. What the heck.. (took out the rest.. didn't want to accumulate bad karma.. really! it's true!..)

1st Day

(Censored)-didn't want to have bad karma..

So the first day, vendors trying new stunts her and there. I see magical desks.. suddenly they can move about, and have different formations. And i looked like and idiot carrying the desks and chairs all the way from 2.14 as and when vendors "requested" for it. First thing in the morning.. one complained that the location was not right. That was because they were very imaginative.. i won't find excuse for them. Next, the other complained that the desk wasn't the one stated when we were collecting our rental. That i won't find excuse for myself. I was too imaginative. The rest were complains that business isn't too good. For that, i didn't choose the date.. i wasn't my fault. But i knew they were coming in.. so i do have a part.. haha... pamphlets was late.. coz i dragged.. banner wasn't provided/included coz the FEW balloons were more important. And what else? all wanted to change booths.. haha.. or should i say, their products doesn't sell in SIM bah.. put the booth at the bus stop also no one wants to buy. Once again, the few very committed turned up early in the morning to help.. but still, i can see.. the disappointment displayed by ah gong.. if was enough to touch me.. but it wasn't solid to move that bear.. (coz he had more mass? hahaha.. he fit leh.. can move 5 desks at one go..) But at this stage, i can't give up. I can only bomb my blog.. and hope that things will be better for the next day. And the next day, i'll find myself bombing my blog again...

Learnt a lot during this period. And got to find out things are done due to a thing called reason. It is this reason that people like to question. Question a lot.. but work little.. and i don't feel like entertaining these people.. even if i told them, they would tell me a very wonderful soloution.. too wonderful.. coz they only use their mouth, not their hands.. or was it my hands they are using? I have less faith in people now.. too realistic and too competitive. Two more days.. and i'll be free! And for people who are already freed, there is nothing to be joyous of.

Maybe the only consolation i get for the day is that, the cold war between my two friends had ended after a month... Hahaa.. ^^

Still seeking my medicine.. and always something that happens.. double "push" effect.. haha... and no "pulling".. push somemore and i'll fall into the sea lor.. and seems that the placebo is working.... argh.. i don't want... what is happening? Hope i can sleep well tonight.. and wake up late tomorrow morning.. i need my rest.

Dun try me..

My scales got tipped two times today.. can't control my temper nowadays.. and to think that people will want to temper with it.. but definitely, i'm pissed.. but only momentary. I shall not find excuse for people.. i have the right to display my displeasure. Too bad lor.. wrong place at the wrong time.. Who cares?

Anyway, the bazaar is starting tomorrow. And who knows what will happen? No one knows. For all i know, the vendors will do some "stunt" to make life difficult. When life gets serious, people get anxious. They are doing it for profit.. and we, the... ( i can't think of another word to describe "fool" ) just want to have fun. And if stress is considered as having fun.. and i can tell, not many people cared about what will happen too. Coz "someone" is expected to shoulder all for them.. or to "ta".. maybe i shouldn't care also? How should i put it.. saw some people who are really committed.. and others who don't care. Selfish? Nope.. REALISTIC! Doing things when it benefits.. Survival is the word.

Or should i say, someone tipped my scales once again.. even on msm.. people still want to behave in a childish manner.. and that isn't enough.. want to agitate me somemore... the same people.. haiz.. when will they learn? I have serious attitude problem. And just as i started.. it subsided again.

Maybe i'm on a lower technological level.. encapsulated in my lost world for five years.. no wonder people changed so much. And i'm the only one who moved off late. Seriously, i'm not being abnormal, and neither am i too stress. Just that reality is so ugly. Darn!

Tio Aim

Don't know since when i became the target of someone's discussion. Sian.. haha.. sarcasm .. whoa.. think i can still take it. Mind over matter. Haiz.. maybe got to keep my profile low. Definitely after bazaar.. think i'm going to disappear liao.. haha..

Finally, i got to drive my dad's car.. wahaha.. feels so different. Drove from my house all the way to Tampines. But with him beside me, it's just like having speed regulator fitted. Kept telling me to slow down.. But still, don't think i'll get to drive it that often..

Had so much to write.. but i guess, i'm just too tired to recall the details..

What will happen?

Finally had the time to blog.. What a busy week. Moving desks, buying table cloth and all..But glad that the Bazaar is taking shape - thanks to the excos and also the bazaar committee. I'm almost drained.. but filled with anticipation for the bazaar, and also the period after that. Studies should come first... SHOULD.. haha.. i'm still bothered by some things. But now i'm very tired.. just finished finalsing the details for the Bazaar. Well... after all these while.. the only thing i can say is.. me and my itchy hand.. haha.

Ya.. today is another busy day. Went to Clementi after school with 14th mei and BT to look for table cloth. And it alwyas prove the point. Problems will surface when you actually start doing it. First, the width was fixed. Next, we couldn't find the colour we wanted. Then something more amusing.. the shop didn't have enough cloth for us.. what else could happen? But in the end still got it done.. luckily they were there with me.. if not, a indecisive person like me will stand there the whole day wondering what to do.. hahha. I guess the worst part is that we paid $199 for the cloths.

After that, i went back to school to meet the vendor (hopefully that is the last one) . Was early.. so "nua" in one corner, trying to waste my time. But Ming Li and Edmund they all saw me.. haha.. and they were on their way to watch the semi finals for talentime.. and since i had time to spare, i went with them.. Was really impressed by some of the contestants. Luckily didn't take part.. haha.. if not sure get eliminated one..

Finally got everything done today. Got home before 6pm .. was about to bathe when someone called. Someone whom i've done wrong to a few years ago. Then, it was time to go out again.. but everyting is alright now, except maybe .. hmm..

I don't know why.. nowadays i'm devoid of feelings. Not that i can't feel.. but just that i don't want it to overwhelm me. So i guess, it was suppressed.. but better than to let it all out and hurt people and myself in this process. I don't know.. seems to me that life is getting far too serious. People will do things only if it benefits them.. Reality bites. The survival of the fittest.. and all these while througout childhood, we have been trained. Just that we didn't know... till the day when something happpend, and we began to wonder why. And when we realised, it is when it hurts. I sure got a few things locked.. few had the key(s).. not me.

Guess had to keep my momentum going.. for at least after the Bazaar. Had to remain at the best of mood. Shouldn't be affected.. at least not now. Everything else can wait. As i said, problems will surface on that day... just wait and see.. but hopefully, the committee will be able to glide through. Maybe i should turn to faith again.. whoa.. another long story.. i'm very tired.

*Cough* - Part 2..

Wah wah... the conductor really ask us to play the scales... Then i don't know then anyhow humtam.. hahaha. The band is getting weak.. had been the way since our return from WMC in 2001. Those were the glorious days. But things will change..the only thing permanent is change. Had to adapt. I thought i was the only one sick there.. seems that some of them got the flu too.. bad weather ar

School tomorrow.. blood donation. Hmm.. there goes.. hahaha..

Why is everyone taking things personally??? Haiz...

*Cough*

It's been a long time since i've fallen ill. Always falling sick when the roller coaster is at the bottom.. haha.. maybe coz the immune system is weak when one is down. But most likely it is because of the weather. Nice weather.. but not when i'm down with flu, fever and a sore throat.

Went to school last Thursday for Bazaar meeting.. with the director somemore.. wah~ Don't know why they all so anxious about it. Especially the balloon part.. haha.. anyway, it rained while i was on my way home. As usual, didn't bring umbrella coz very "ti ki".. then yaya papaya walk in the rain. Then got fever at night liao.. haiz..

Wondered why people always like to take things personally.. just a mere comment.. and i don't think there is a need to resort to sarcasm. Ok .. maybe it was meant to draw blood. I don't care what others think. But i felt it and i don't like the feeling of it. No one was at fault.. but i perceived that someone is intending to declare war.. So be it.

Saturday night liao.. still not feeling ok.. so i guess.. i can't donate blood on Monday huh.. There goes my milo.. hahaha.. Still having sore throat.. then still have to go for band practice tomorrow.. long journey.. haiz.. maybe "bombah" on the way there..

Hmm.. forgot to memorize the major scales.. if the conductor asked me to play.. think that's it.. i'll be wasting time again.

Toot toot..

Which is my train? Did i missed it? Or has it yet to come? Or is it already at the station??

Baza-AR

Missing lectures here and there.. what is happenning.. 15 more days.. can't wait for it to be over. Had to find time for my studies.. coz i'm lagging .. ya.. lagging... l a g g i n g. Also had been skipping band practices.. Concert coming soon.. wah wah ... overloaded.

CV CV CV . . .

Maybe coz i got too excited the night before.. then no more energy to be hyper during the actual game.. Hmm.. maybe coz we all used to getting nua? Haha.. anyway, didn't win lor.. there goes my dinner.. hahaha. Eventful day.. and my legs are breaking.. haha.. yet there was dissapointment hidden somewhere.. (don't try to read me.. ) Coz we didn't win la..

Got overdose of placebo these two days.. think i'm going nuts..

CV CV CV~!!

Muahahahaha~!!! City Venture tomorrow!.. i'm so excited!! Erm... for what i also dunno... just excited lah! Win or lose.. it doesn't matter. But hor.. anyone dares to take the prize from us.... \./ .. Come~ LoL... kidding la.. dunno the outcome also. So unpredictable like the Forex market.. too much POB le.. Think i can't sleep tonight.. wah~

Think Too Much? Carry On...

Often, things are not what they seem to be. Actually it is rather tiring and difficult to guess others' intention. Yet from young, we are trained to interpret in our own context, from our limited experience in life. More often than not, we read them differently from the intended meaning. As we grow, we became more sensitive to the words and action people convey. We became specialised in picking out things that might be directed at us - good or bad.

Misunderstandings - it happens because of asymmetric information. The originator has 100 percent knowledge of the intention while the receiving end can only guess based on whatever information they can get. People choose to convey their intention in a subtle manner to have that sense of security. And it is this sense of security that forms a barrier - fence that forbids us to speak freely, to express. For fear of being ridicule, being rejected. So, we kept things secret. Yet, part of us needed people to know. Hence only part of the story is told. The rest is up to the creativity and imagination of the receiver. But without the experience, the information is often distorted and far from the intended version.

Which is why people often hear other says, " you think too much liao.." But really.. sometimes i felt it too. Till the day when everything is over, then i'll realise how simple things actually are.. Why complicate it? Give and take.. everything will fall into place <-- i hope.. and i hope my version will be the intended one.. hahaha.. Even as this happens.. people are trying to guess what i mean.. lol.. what can i say? " Think too much liao.." But i guess, maybe it is this hope that will keep people going.. even if it is a false hope. Or should i say.. misuderstood hope?

Too much happened within my mind these days.. coz i'm older already.. haha.. nope.. maybe coz i've seen more. Wondered why the intended bus doesn't come while all others kept coming. . vacant taxis are a rarity when time is running short.. traffic jams, traffic lights, weather... all are against hope. Maybe we know that those adversities are to be a reality.. thats why they happen, and thats why we hope they don't. Also, negative things tend to capture our attention more.. maybe thats why people one fond of usually doesn't reciprocate? - GQoo theory: I feel that it is the combination of both. The false hope syndrome together with the significance of negativity. Meaning - think too much liao.. hahaha. but still, it is these thoughts that motivates.. so.. carry on thinking bah..

Realization hurts while ignorance is a bliss. Being hopeful is to be exposed to devestation. And that explains the irony why the things that made me happy are often the same ones that brings about that bitter feeling. Don't try to read me.. i don't think anyone will understand. Intention will only end up being distorted..

I'm sooo Tired

Wah~ so much to blog but no energy to do it.. i'm so tired.. but at least Bazaar is taking shape ^^ Thanks to everyone! Finally understand why things are done in certain ways.. but i'm too tired.. time to sleep. Zzz

Something on my mind..

tmrl tv nhkv vpgz sggzs dh rvkls. vnwovs vx mlgz, s gh hbyzvsg lgmr tmr oozun zrkr itbn tmrh ol. wv wfo vwv ylgfovhbn, wz vo hrnlghr mlrgmv, gm ri luowugl. novsd ivelv ylgw, mzi ve lm vpzgtmrvy. d lmltg vo lg ghvy hr grh hv ftr...

Awaked

Just woke up no long ago.. didn't have a good rest just now. Was dreaming the whole morning. Haiz.. and as if dreaming isn't enough.. It was like a playback of the things i had on my mind. How scary. Maybe they were there to highlight my concerns? Thought things were supposed to be over and forgotten. Guess they have already become part of me. Doesn't feel very right.. what a weird feeling.

Looking back, wondered what rubbish i typed before i went to bed.. haha.. wasn't on a clear mind i guess.

W O R R I E D ~

What a weird timing.. Anyway, i stil have the bazaar to worry about.. and i think my seniors are even more worried.. Coz they have to answer to someone else.. Though, it doesn't give me the excuse not to deliever. But after that, i guess it is time for studies. Though i should need my dose of "medication".. i think i can't wait of it to appear. Time is limited.. and it is rather irritating to keep asking for a medicine to drop from the sky. Since the one i found doesn't suit me, i'll have to wait lo.. who knows how long? But it shouldn't affect my studies.. Maybe it will.. lol.. nonsense again..

Bazaar bazaar.. really want to thank our seniors for helping us with the bulk, especially the Ex-cos. Felt very bad about it.. but the things i can do are rather limited. There will be a meeting later .. but rather disappointed.. the date that i choose is ALWAYS wrong. My fault huh..haha.. nah.. just don't want people to feel bad about not being able to attened. I believe that they have genuine reasons.. they have their freedom too..and they don't need to explain to me too.. just that i'm asking for help. I have no rights to question.. just me and my itchy hand.

I'm so tired and hungry ... it's already 0435 now.. and i didn't take my dinner just now.. Just couldn't get to sleep again. The mosquitoe is bugging me... and also there are too many things on my mind. Where should i go from here onwards? I'm lost..

I'm 21!

Wondered why i like to prepare for the worst outcome for everything.. I'm pessimistic? Nah.. i don't think so. I'm an optimist with pessimistic views... haha.. what nonsense. Hmm.. felt something and mind began to wander again. So imaginative.. But.. hmm.. forget it.

Almost forgot it was my 21st birthday today.. haha.. had a major celebration a week ago, and it seems so long ago. Was so touched.. so many of my friends send me sms today ^^ But end up didn't pay attention in class.

So.. the day passed without me realizing it.. maybe just a bit older. Have to learn to control my emotions better. Though some things happened these few days, i'm glad that there are still my friends, peers and seniors around to lend a helping hand. I'm older liao.. should have no problem bah.. No worries ^^

Sunday isn't that Sunny

Haiz.. Sunday and i still have to work for the bazaar lor.. went to Woodlands after band practice. From Tampines to my home and then to Woodlands again. Nobody asked me to.. i think i over commit le.. Went in search of vendors selling non-fashion related stuffs.. wonder how to get them.. sell toys? or flowers? How to find the market in SIM... Don't know what they are thinking.. In the end i'm still responsible to the vendors.. They sure complain if they have no business.. now like i'm going to "ta" everything huh.. and hor.. and hor.. today i'm celebrating my birthday leh!!.. sad la.. who ask me so slow in doing things..

Luckily Serene was there to lead the way.. seldom go that far north nowadays.. haha.. So we set off to ask a few vendors.. well, what can i say.. some people are just not easy to get along with.. haha.. i hope they meant nothing personal.. so in the end we only got 3 more vendors.. with 1 confirm coming and the other two considering. Next in task - collect all the rental by end of this month. Poor jiu mei.. haiz.. poor everyone..

Then morning band practice was still ok.. except i think i'm lacking in endurence.. btw, the principal player is back. I'm relieve of my duty.. need to work harder.. stress.. haha. Then me and my stupid idea.. tried a new route on the way home.. then took me so long to reach. Band practice ended at 1.30pm and i reached home about 2 hours later. No wonder i'm in a bad mood..

So that mood lasted all day.. even when i'm going to celebrate my birthday with my family.. Until i see.. my tiramisu birthday cake!! hahaha.. i just love chocolates ^^

S T R E S S -

Haiz.. i'm so stress.. me and my fate huh? Or izzit my itchy hand again? Shouldn't have drawn that lot in the first place.. Since i already did, what is there to do? Ooo.. can't wait for the bazaar to be over.. have a feeling of being sandwiched all around. No one is at fault.. and i'm not using this to target anyone.. Guess everyone is anxious about the Bazaar. Management, vendors and all of us. Now having more and more pimples and grey hair.. haha. Still have not taken my school work and band into account. And there are other things too.. like family and friends.. I don't lack time. Just lacking in motivation. Should have taken the med to motivate me.. hahaa.. what nonsense..

Will be going to Tampines for band practice again. Hopefully i won't screw up anything.. I'm used to doing things by 'feel' rather then 'skill'. Which means i'm depending on luck most of the time.. how unprofessional.

The coming monday will be so special to me.. yet i think it was ruined before it came.. I'm still being childish.. Constantly reading the first chapter over and over again.. yet, so much have changed. Guess this is the process of growing up.. What is left are just memories and not feelings. It wouldn't surface again. And this is where the chapter concludes. Love shouldn't become hate. Even if it does, there are no longer any feelings towards. After so much, i began to wonder.. why it took me so much time and energy.. Actually, i've already started writting the next chapter.. and no matter how it turns out, it will still be my story. It is just a matter of choice.. to close or not to close.

?

iz ulhg vbi zv mlh ...

Thank you Warlords~!!

Just had my birthday celebration yesterday!! yay~!! Finally i'm 21.. haha.. huh? oh ya.. not my actual birthday yet.. haha.. anyway, i had a great time! ^^ Was so happy that the Warlords (My OG) celebrated it for me~ aww. Must thank all of them for the dinner, cake and present(s).. especially those who made it happen. (You know who you are ;)) Wasn't able to blog this coz my comp kept breaking down.. hmm.. maybe i get myself a 256 DDR ram for my birthday? Or maybe a keyboard .. i miss my piano.. haha.. But was really happy... ^^ Went to pizza hut .. but.. but.. just went to NDC to tighten my braces.. and the crust was so hard.. so only had a few slices of pizza.. actually it was 2 or 3. haha.. but i ate a lot of pasta, baked rice and lasagne.. hehe. But too bad didn't finish it.. coz.. hai.. what to do? It was my birthday mah.. although jiu mei saved me from being smashed by the cake.. (or was she saving the cake from me? haha.. kidding) but she could do nothing to the mixture. Looking back at the pictures and from its taste, i could more or less figure out what went into the mixture. But mountain dew doesn't go well with pasta leh.. haha. Then a lot of cheese went in too.. for the first time, think i had an overdose of cheese. But the chocolate cake can cover up for it ^^ Next came the present! Haha.. looking at it, i feel like laughing lor.. the main one was a pencil case. Big one somemore.. haha.. coz my pencil box was too "loc" le.. lol.. i knew it would happen.. was going to change liao.. haha.. but just couldn't find. But don't think i'll use this new one in school.. or else it'll have scratches liao.. Now for the contents inside.. whaaha.. 1st level.. a highlighter and mechanical pencil. Looks familiar.. haha.. vey familiar lor.. lol.. is it in trend these days? or it is reserved for the bookshop ambassadors? hahaha.. ROTFLOL.. next floor.. 4 pilot pens! The same one i'm using! haha.. + ruler (coz i broke my ruler in order to fit it in my current pencil case) + liquid paper.. wah.. a whole set of stantionary.. lol.. everything was soo.. how do i describe it? haha.. Just want to say.. Thanks again~!! Oh.. haha.. not to mention, Serene's present from Bangkok.. haha.. shall not say what it was.. haha.. Thank you Warlords~!!

GQoo's Conundrum

Some things are just not meant to be published online.. so i do it in code form.. haha.. 1st installment:
vmrxr w vnbn wmflu ve zsrpmrsg.
haha... guess i'm too borded.. lol..

2nd MGM

Had a bad scare just now.. was asked to give an update of the bazaar to the whole SRC during MGM. Haha.. knew i couldn't, but had to anyway. Wasn't pessimistic.. just that i'm not up to it .. yet. So it won't fail next time? Ya.. coz the 2IC is going.. haha.. Not my cup of tea leh.. The moment i took over the mic, feel like wanting to sing a song.. haha.. but didn't want to scare the rest.. lol. Guess the only time i won't panic holding a mic is when at KTV..

Called some vendors for the bazaar today and didn't get good respond from them.. Realised that they are people who wanted to do business while we are the ones just wanting to have fun.. But, charging them $60 for 3 days is like giving them an opportunity to earn a huge profit.. yet they still want to complain this, complain that.. In theory, everything is assumed.. lol .. but in practical, everything can go wrong.. I'm not pessimistic, just stating the facts.. I'm just finding fault with my optimism..

No job liao.. sob.. and i missed my IR lecture.. another $50 gone.. ( jiu mei calculated it for me). Two more days to my POB test.. and i haven't started studying.. especially since it is going to be essay based. Think i will burn the mid night oil tonight.. wah..

I'm Immune!

Saw my last medicine so many times today.. wahaha.. didn't want to take it.. but don't know why it came wandering in front of me... Guess i'm immune. A good thing.. so many medicine to choose from.. one i'm immune.. the other i'm allergic.. there might be a third...

Forgot to update an entry yesterday.. was the second bazaar meeting .. but it turned out to be a total flop.. Didn't prepare well enough for it.. didn't get the info i needed.. most importantly.. didn't call off the meeting when i knew that it will be a waste of time. All my fault.. but it won't happen again. At least i hope. Things we discussed couldn't be realised.. Only towards the end, did we managed to get some work done.. what will be the next step? Thought through some during today's maths lecture.. It WON'T fail again.

Combined Practice

Went for band practice today.. although reluctant.. but had given my promise.. I want to get away from that place, a place that was never meant for me. Did what i could. Delivered all my best. Maybe because of my incompetence , the band sounded not as well.. But from what i heard, it was too full of individuals trying to overshadow others. Not a very good sign for a "band". A band of soloists? It is not for me to criticize.. An amateur horn player even after eight years of playing.. I have no rights. As usual, that place does give me an hostile feeling.. maybe i should leave for a while. Combined with a few other alumni band in the neighborhood. Quantity does not count.. another disappointment.

Went to study at J8 today. Spent a lot of time trying to understand the maths lecture.. coz i was doing my maths assignment for the 1st half of the lessons.. hahaa.. slacker! But completed anyway. But it came at a price.. altogether i missed 3/2 maths lecture. Also asked my buddy wm about some econs using differentiation.. So it was right.. minimum MC occurs at the point of inflexion of the TC curve.. hahaha.. finally cleared my doubts.. by a chem engine student who didn't take econs.. haha.

Still haven't recovered fully from yesterday's shock.. haha.. But felt better anyway.. should be glad that people are doing well.. but still feel a but weird.. don't know where those emotion came from.. maybe it was something else?? Then it might be another crisis.. haha.. Guess i think too much.. hoped that things will return to normal soon..

Me and My Itchy hand..

For what reason did i try out the now search engine.. found out things which i never wanted to..maybe i was just curious.. but it doesn't matter.. or does it? Had to grow out of it.. i've stopped taking that medicine.. because i'm allergic. The newer one was never meant for me as well.. but why that feeling..? Finally understood what actually happen.. where was all these weird emotions coming from? It was long over. Guess it had become part of me.. It was never meant to be.. it was never meant to be... i felt so stupid.. so childish.. I'm still allergic to the medicine.. i need a new prescription.. i need a doctor.. where are they..? losing control.. a matter of an hour and things changed.. me and my itchy hand.. (and that stupid new search engine) but it was never my intention.. it was NOT. Was an accident.. Fatal one indeed.. Maybe i just wanted to know how is she getting on.. just that i found out too much.. Thought i had got rid of my reliance on THAT medicine.. seems like an hopeless addict now.. i need new prescription..

Things happened and no point running away.. but i've grown in my own ways.. Think i can manage it well enough now. Will be able to get through it soon i hope.. i just need my medicine..

Full of Emptiness

Attended lecture alone today coz skipped Thursday's lecture due to some reasons.. Maybe i think too much .. haha.. coz i seems to have a lot of questions regarding the things taught.. yet didn't want to raise it to avoid being "detected" by the lecturer.. haha. Anyway, i think my questions were rather stupid and irrelevant to the context. Kept bugging those around me.. i wanted to know.. Curious what.. Stayed in school to have lunch with my primary school friend after lessons.. But chose the wrong place to eat.. Coz we were studying at the same place after lunch and it was outside the Econs LT.. And i forgot... That someone was in there.. So break came and i saw her. Think she saw me too. But strangely, i wanted to avoid.. Anyway, she didn't approach me.. and i stayed put. So it was really over... It doesn't matter, wasn't meant to be anyway. But in the beginning, that feeling was so real.. Things started at the wrong end i should say.. Felt that it was my fault.. to mislead her. But things were happening around me as well.. Felt so restricted.. couldn't type all i wanted to.. Maybe should switch back to writing my journal.

Had been three days since my sis moved out, and it had been quiet at home.. Her room was empty, only to be filled by things in my room that i long wanted to get rid of. Think she will come back only occasionally.. but i promised to keep the room tidy ^^ But she moved the piano away from my room~ Nothing to practice on..

Nothing had been smooth these days.. the beginning of the ride down on the roller-coaster-again. Had another flare up of my old condition, arthritis. Just like a visit from an old friend.. haha..i don't mind the visit, but it better don't stay.. Coz of the condition, it had been downhill since. Seldom had the occasion to be joyous..From 1999 and lasted till mid 2004. Though things changed since mid 2004. Knew it won't last long, but was able to cherish it. Only through sadness that we will know what joy is..