Finding Fun

10 pm.. boring wednesday with nothing to do.. i've cleaned my bass and my french horn.. argh.. very dirty.. all the valves are stuck.. and the slides too. I've neglected it. haha.. maybe i've really got over it.. but performing isn't without credit.. i've screwed up some solos during the years and also have done well when i shouldn't. haha.. that is.. - skill. Anyways.. haha.. now adding s into speech thanks to mr brown.. haha.. and my toopid friend kept repeating it in front of me.. haha..

Of coz, getting influenced by the people around.. haha.. like 'seriously', 'anyway' and 'by the way'.. hahaa.. i'm so influenced.

SRC giving 'problems' again.. i can never rest well.. i guess most don't understand why i put so much.. not a lot.. but more than usual... It is my responsibility. Well.. just a few more months..

Lots more coming up.. and the whole world seems to realise something a bit late.. no, not the sky is falling.. but something unspoken. ANYWAY, hahaa.. see.. going out now.. haha.. coz today is Wendesday!.. where can i go at this hour? I've changed.. yep.. i know.. too bad then. If i disappear from school tomorrow, i might have overslept.. haha.. haiz.. think i've compensated way too much.

Slacking At Home Again..

Felt quite guilty already.. haha.. had been rotting at home for the whole day. My forte.. disappearing from tests and mock exams.. hahaa.. well, not really that.. just really too tired already. Had been sleeping at around 4am everyday.. makes me very very very tired. And other things else.. still have to do assignments, study test and all that.. where do i get the strength?

But my whole day at home haven't yield anything.. i'm bored. And i have nothing much to play with. I need to do a podcast!.. hahaa.. that shall be my 'newest' hobby.. still finding that one thing i can excel in.. but seems not. Jack of some trades.. master of not even one! .. how can? LOL.. and i've tried so much that others don't.. don't really understand. Whats my line? Maybe i should go learn some magic? hahaa.. crap.

Almost forgot that i won't be needing to go school tomorrow.. haha.. great~.. another free day at home! Maybe i should clean my instrument.. they had been sitting there since my last performance.. so long that i have forgotten when. I shall rejoin them.. haha.. had been 'avoiding'.. well.. SRC too much to do already.. So it shall be back to SWE every sunday.. at Boonlay.. argh.. so far away from home with a 5kg baggage that is bulky.. why i don't have my own car? haha.. 5 more years i guess.

So my Sunday is gone~.. almost half of it.. band practice from 9am - 1pm.. by the time i reached home already 4pm!.. haha.. And my friday is reserved for jamming.. with a band that has no name yet.. yawn~ But can't blame.. haha.. we are all noob. A drumer who is a trumpeter, a guitarist who is also a trumpeter and a bassist (thats me!) who is a horn player.. hahaa.. no wonder we are still so lousy. And we don't practice!.. hahaa... Monday, Tuesday and Thursday is devoted to my beloved SIM.. haha.. so not free.. then i left only Wednesday and Saturday.. and i'm still so bored.. don't know why i can't stand nua-ing much more.. times have changed.

Finding things to fill in my slots.. maybe i should do some 'part-time'.. FOC though.. hahaa.. well.. time to take to the ropes. And a frail one somemore.. but.. i'll have to try..

December - a festive season? Hmm.. still have to work that out. Well.. should be full of bliss.. but seems i missed that again this year.. hahaa.. not fated that is. Festive or not really depends on what will happen the following days.. but i'll be busy though.. haha.. all the way from 9th.. haha.. but i'll have fun... till i forget my own name.

Just last Saturday went to Sentosa to have fun.. really very happy.. wonder why the planet is so sun-allgegic.. All will melt under the sun.. i used to melt too.. but now i enjoyed the outdoors.. haha.. the beach and all.. and i'll love to cycle.. someone please organise.. haha.. it should fun. So that day after the sun we all went to play CS.. hahaa.. and i forgot how to play.. lol. So only had the role of being 'killed'.. and i lost my old CS cd.. hmm.. time to get another copy.

I don't detest my phase.. yet i don't like. Hahaha.. i have no preference anymore. For whatever i did it always slides to the role of my chapter. Whatever is futile. So i now sit and watch my own story. Expect nothing and nothing will hurt. Enjoy while i can.. perhaps when i really can't at least i knew i had before.

I think i shouldn't club that much.. haha.. but will be going clubbing with my NS-tied cousin as soon as he book out from camp. Went to meet him that day at Yishun MRT station to get back my pathetic 2.0 pix camera. Was suprised at how fit he became.. haha.. and now.. i really look an old man in a child's body.. hahaa. I shall really go work something out of my ribs.. muahahaa..

Too much to do till i spent my time thinking of what to do.. what can i do?

Home

Its 4am in the morning.. juz got home from no long ago.. went for beer, supper and a lot of chatting. I shall oversleep tomorrow.. Going sentosa with some of the 'trainers' to train 'dogs'.. haha..

Will be quite fun i guess.. And fun is what i'm needing.. Maybe if theres an ipod or what, i'll be happier. Intending to do a podcast too.. haha.. following the craze .. copycats.. haha.. but it shall keep me busy. But i'll be busy anyway. Not enough time to study.. really not enough. But still, i'll want an ipod for xmas~ please take note. ^^

So things are just 'fated'.. (not farted).. and things that usually bothers you won't in the future.. and maybe i really tried too hard.. haha.. maybe after the beer and all, it finally unblocked my mental block. Not so soon though, i just don't want to wallow in self-pity. I'm not inferior at all.. haha..

Actually i've done up a xmas wish list. I want a keyboard, an i-book, an ipod or mp3 player that i can do podcast with, a LCD monitor.. so far that's all. All are expensive items.. and i can't afford it just yet.. wait till i get my salary.. or santa to give me.. haha.

Had to reach Habour front at 10am later.. and i'll still awake.. had to digest my supper a bit before sleeping.. haha.. guess my 'weight gaining' exercise had yielded some results.. till now had gained around 2 kg or so.. another 3 to hit my target. Now having 4 eggs per day.. too few but i don't know.. i've ran out of ways to cook it. A rather difficult way to gain.. pace is rather slow.. but i still don't want to take weight gainners.. ahahaa.. must do it the 'original' way.. so a long long way i go.. but the future is bright!

Had a few topics to cover on the proposed podcast.. haha.. think it'll be sooo interesting... to me that is. Who cares if it interest others? A matter of choice for all others. Not my problem anyway.. haha.

Woah.. bash coming soon.. 15th Dec 2005.. and tickets priced at $12 for SRC members.. i think i can buy at least one more.. see whoever wants it. Looking forward.. yeah!

Will It Ever Happen?

And i really skipped my classes.. but who cares? But ended up in school anyway to show support for the talentime contest. And i nearly dropped my jaws. Wondered why i've played an instrument for so long and yet couldn't be as splendid as them. Really must go face the wall soon.. haha.

Today's weather is so warm that i almost melted. But now there is thunder and maybe lightnings. How fast thing changes. On the 'bright' side.. (though its 3.30am now, and i'm blogging in total darkness..) the weather will be cool enough for me to sleep well. Had been sleeping late these few days.. 4am or so. This can't carry on..

Was back home late after Talentime coz went to have 'supper' with JJ and ML.. well.. i'm playing the 'lughtbulb' again.. hahaa.. after that we went to play pool. JJ suggested CS.. but i don't want to get 'killed'.. so better choose pool instead. Ended early .. but not early enough.. no busses for me at Clementi. Tried to be smart.. so took 154 to HCJC there to ambush other buses.. but it was already 12.50am.. so had no choice but to take cab home. So i ate a lot today.. reached home and found 2 hard-boiled eggs! haha.. and working towards my goal.. will be hitting my 'target' before xmas if everythng goes well.. i don't want to get another gastric flu.. i might just die from the shock i get from losing weight.

Rather depressed over some things that ain't important to anyone except me.. so i had to face it alone. And the best part is how not to show it. I did badly.. and its showing.. (not my beer belly of coz.. ) But i know i would be alright.. just that i hope for it to be sooner.

The Traffic Jam

Almost a month more to xmas.. and it seems the same to me always. What can i look forward to? Presents? Cards? Chocolates? But all i want for xmas is..

Not my two front teeth of coz.. i still had them. Not for the removal of my braces of coz.. they were gone a few months ago. Not for my studies.. yet. Still a few more months till exams.. Not for money.. yet.. My manager just asked me to get ready to work again..plus i got extra 'income'.. Not for band or whatever.. i don't really care now.. and actually i just want to not know.

Feels like getting stuck in a traffic jam on a rainy day.. knew the outcome would be late and yet panic and woes are common... It's been that.. and anger soon sets in. At the one driver, other road users and every other passangers.. not once did the fingers point on oneself. And if one could set off early, even if there was, one could easily ride over. And the best part is.. for all that jam, one can't even see what was happening.. how long was the jam and so on.. the great unknown was what strikes fear. Handicapped.. not being able to turn back.. and for some, the chose to stay on even there was an exit.. not quite the correct one.. but it was at least definate. More fuel wasted, but at least it'll get somewhere for the moment.. Not like those that are stuck and still PRETEND they are driving..arrr.. So much for traffic jams.. hahaa..

If i continued more, i guess people will complain. Comprehension they said.. hahaa.. and i agree. The Jade Eagle that 'pretend' not to be in LBO on monday once told me that.. and i think she's the only one. But i always envy her.. maybe all i want for xmas is a shorter antenna.

I really really am drained these days.. trying to be someone. Just that someone that i used to be.

Went TTSH (Mr Tan Hospital) for my check-ups on Arthritis.. as usual.. but my doctor shorten the gap of next visit from one year to six months coz i've been 'attacked' again.. haiz. History likes to repeat it seems. And bad enough, i had to do blood test today - on a syringe! Shadows .. haha.. coz my first bloodtest was done by a doctor in A&E on a syringe.. and as you all know, they are quite 'in a hurry' to save lifes.. haha.. so it was very painful. Other factors include a 'grumpy' nurse.. haa.. Well, i can understand why.. having to deal with blood and urine samples ain't a fun job.. But due to my overwhelming bloodtest experience, i'm very 'hao lian'.. muahahaa. 6 years under my belt.. who can compare? Actually not a thing to be proud of though.. haha.. By the way, i saw a lot of young people there who also got arthritis at a young age.. and what is so shocking was, they are all very pretty!.. hahaa.. at least some life in a place that was usually full of old people and erm.. .. .erm . . nurses. Well, i grateful to them.. haha.. Actually what shocked me was that they seems proud to get that arthritis.. hmm.. one even said 'so and so will be so shocked to hear that i got arthritis.. ' erm.. ya.. shocked at how a patient could be sooo happy.. = =

2.30am now.. couldn't finish studying marketing.. so decided to skip classes tomorrow. Yeah! But will be in school still.. maybe for FI.. maybe not.. but will be there for Talentime.. coz i've promised.. seems bias .. but no. Its an alternative for me. And i need to have some other things to occupy me.. Hold on to it while it can. And i can continue to be very happy.. especially for this xmas.. a season to be folly.. haha..

All the best to all my friends taking test tomorrow.

From paragraphs 1 and 2
Q1. What did GQoo want for xmas? (2 marks)

Q2.Why did the blogger not worried about other things? (3 marks)

From paragraph 3
Q3. What was the outcome of the traffic jam? (1 mark)

Q4. What are the alternative(s) suggested to evade the jam? (2 marks)

Q5. How did some people cope with the jam? (3 marks)

From paragraph 4
Q.6 Who is Jade Eagle? (4 marks)

Q.7 What is the most prominent feature of Jade Eagle? (2 marks)

From paragraph 6
Q.8 What was the new feature that the blogger saw in this hospital? (1 mark)

From paragraph 7 and 8
Q.9 What was the actual real reason for skipping lectures? (4 marks)

Q.10 What was the paper that was supposed to be tested? (1 mark)

From all:
Write down the meaning(s) of the word/pharse as they are used in this entry. (5 marks)

LBO
antenna
someone
'attacked'
Shadows

Summary:
Write a summary of not more than 120 words on what the traffic jam actually means.
(20 marks)
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Another Chapter Still?

Yupz.. following my own story.. just waiting for it to unfold.

Whole world is playing maple.. that was like.. decades ago.. haha.. when i let go, they picked up.. not fated huh? Till i got bored.. maybe i should reopen my account again. Not so soon.. haha. I'm busy not doing anything.

Up on my list to keep me fully occupied..weight gaining! Or mass? It's ok.. so long as i see an increase.. fats i'm also ok with it.. haha..

Next up, studies.. again. I'm not letting this bug me again.. had a bad experience last year.. and i don't have much money to sponsor for re-takes. Not being someone i'm not.. just someone that i should be.

Weirdo

Had been weird for a week.. i know, maybe i lost my way. Couldn't see.. And won't be seeing.

Jokes a rarity.. i really want to know.. What can i be that wasn't me. Drastically.. but surely.

Time to put in much more effort in my school work. Started on my revision.. well.. at least on cashflows. Cashflows problem.. Direct method seems harder than Indirect.. How ironic. Just in case i forget.. the reason why 350 - 110 + 65 = 305 => 415 (110+65) of cash outflows initially minus the depreciation of 110 that is included.. equals 305!.. to think i spent 2 days to think through it.. i know i'm stupid.. and also the accounts lecturer said an accountant cannot be too logical.. maybe i'm using logic too much.. not that i'm a very logical person.. just that i don't wish to accept things they way they are.. i question and question.. and then.. i forget what i was questioning.

Such was the way of my life. And now some things are going to change.. Maybe that's why it's call the growing process. But sometimes a painful process..

No worries.. i won't. When others don't, i shouldn't too.

Time To Come

Just the day before.. thought i could overcome.. yet just as i was going to, it overcame me. Trying to hard to be somebody that i wasn't.. and i wasn't that somebody. Said i would ignore.. yet i didn't as much.. it still doesn't cure me.

Another placebo another time.. but i've run out of time.. and pills.

Everyone could do as they please.. why can't i? Why should i shoulder any responsibility? It was, at one's will. So long as i ignore, it doesn't matter.. i don't care and i don't want to care. Say what, do what.. whatever.. who cares? Ungrateful? Definately!.. Just doen't want such a patch to spoil my life.. i still have much greater things to acomplish..i wondered what. Time to move on again.. i had enough stops.

UC - Maybe it was a mistake itself. Not a mistake in introducing.. but a mistake of being around. If you care, you will be affected. If you don't, you will not. Yet this to me seems minor.. for i don't really give a damn. If i could, i would. As long as i gain while others don't.

For a moment, i really thought of going part time.. seems to me to be a greener pasture. If i suddenly disappear from classes.. maybe that's where i go... haha.

I really began to understand.. so long as one doesn't care, nothing would affect that person.. not even if the sky is falling down.

I don't really have the mood to joke these days.

All Over.

Ooo.. finally the events are all over.. finally to be free from SRC.. erm.. not quite it seems. Upcoming - Camp D! .. argh.. my time again. Haha.. UC wasn't that bad at all.. though it seems to have a lot of communications break down.. but it seems that we are not the only ones. Even the management of the sentosa also have this problem.. as the same as SIM. Well.. one more people, one more trouble.

More or less, i know what i should not do.. i don't know.. i don't know.. whatever i do or not do will give me the same undesired result. And i really find no point.. i mean.. i don't know... really don't know. And if not knowing is the answer, then i prefer not to know.

Don't even know what i'm blogging.. haha.. maybe just that i don't want people to know.

UC yesterday.. spent the whole day in the sun trying to be a 'dog'... haha.. had some fun.. coz i chose not to know.. and to ignore. If i can ignore my whole life, i guess i would be happier. Anyway.. got sunburned.. haha.. wondered if dogs will get sunburn.. haha..

Be afraid.. be very afraid.. no reason for me to go anymore. It's not longer with me.. or it hasn't been in the first place. I still don't understand.. why am i doing so much for. Maybe it was just another fantasy.. guess it shall take me some time to wake up.

Am I Going To Be Alright?

Seems i don't quite care about myself anymore.. and i really don't want to care. Yet i'm not intending to self destruct the button isn't ready.. i'm not that dumb.. and also, there are too many people that i've footprints on..

200+ posts since a year plus ago.. looking through, i've really change quite a bit. In terms of thinking and the way i treated other people.. I thought i could be immune after so many years of thinking... yet, some things never change. When it comes to this, i'm always at a lost.. it seems that i still couldn't control. I'm not childish.. ( neither am i skinny.. = =) things just happens at the wrong time.. that's all. Yet, the right things are always ignored, and the wrong doings amplified. Me, Myself and I.. whatever i did was wrong.. so why do? Might as well leave it to time to dispose. Sure i will regret, i know i will. But will she?

The sudden strong feelings came back to bug me again.. it seems to be a vicious cycle.. and its very difficult to live. Being too sensitive in a senseless world can kill. And its killing me.. not softly enough though. And people as they always were. Too bad there isn't any mountains in here for me to be a hermit.. or else i rather be one.. If not i train so hard to be a loner for what?

Got enough of myself recently.. for what do i degrade myself for? Lameness.. guess it shouldn't be my image.. and too bad for the rest.. maybe they all can rejoice.. jokes are history.

Too immerse in my own happenings that i totally gave up on SRC for the whole period.. grab a hold of myself.. maybe.. i need someone to hold me.. tightly. Yet it all were just wishes.. maybe the path already parted. So finally came the last event for Welfare department.. Ultimatum Challenge.. all credits go to ML should it be a success.. and all the blame shall be on me should it fails. Was supposed to be the over-all in-charged for this.. yet i bail out.. perfering to agonise myself.. till now. Too late it seems.. and it shall be the event later.. one can only hope as always.

Now trying to find all things to divert my attention.. from eating to playing games.. and of coz, my newly aquired - two of the '4 great evils'... gambling and drinking. I'm not trying to self destruct.. just that it came a time that i unlocked them.. and got stuck. Obessesion it seems.. yet looking around, i'm later than the rest.. haha.. maybe i'm younger.. maybe i'm trying to be stubborn not to conform.. yet it happens. And it spells trouble. Health problems it seems.. still haven't recovered from the whole night mahjong session it seems.. and of coz i have intention to cut down on the 'hobbies'.. Frequently joked about my goal to collect the 4.. haha.. yet i won't.. it'll be against my moral.. and also unfair to the special someone.. that is if i happen to get attached.. guess it won't be so soon.. hahaa.. sadness. I have intention to settle down by the age of 28.. very young for guys.. yet i want my life to unfold as soon as possible.. and of coz, having the intention to earn lots of money.. haha.. and maybe continue to dream on.

And finally to the topic of work.. i could if i wanted.. and i really doesn't want to work.. not because i'm lazy, not because i'm well to do.. but it isn't value for money. Even if it isn't in terms of money, it can seriously disrupt one's studies.. if so.. might as well quit school to work full time and take it as one's 'career'. School fees cost more than what one can earn in a month.. maybe two or three.. what's the point? But really.. some people do have financial difficulties.. so.. i just don't know.. the line is too blured for me to see.

Double or Nothing?

Maybe Life is just double or nothing.. so much for my happy ending.. i don't wish to think.

Uneventful Weekend

Went to update my passport yesterday.. and i had 149 people infront of me!.. just like everyone.. all came to renew/ change photos.. What i dislike is the noise that little kids make. Not that i don't like children.. just that one must learn how to behave in the public.. Anyway, i thought they were going to JB.. thats why i updated my passport.. but no one seems to say anything, and i don't bothered to ask.. thats why stayed at home to have a boring afternoon. Anyway if anyone asked, i guess i would still choose to nua at home.. haha.. think i getting very lazy.

My handphone seems to be spoilt these days.. maybe water got inside.. haha.. it didn't ring for quite some time now... and somewhat it became more of a photo album for me.. So a boring saturday.. spent most of my time packing my room. Things are getting less, but my room seems more messy. Reason being that i've thrown away my wardrobe, my bed and my desk.. haha.. all that could keep things nice and tidy.. but i find them bulky. Time to clear up, and get ready to study.

It seems that the school term had made me lost track of time.. heard something about new year that i began to realise that 2005 is going to end.. haaha.. finally.. i don't know and i don't to know.

One thing that i dread.. going back to band practices.. haha... my passion, my burden. I'm rusty now.. not to mention my horn. And to make the matter worse, i'm the only one there.. ar.. i hate responsibility.. and i tend to panic when i'm alone.. never to let me have solo again.. not to mention concerto. Think i won't get this chance in my life. Actually it really depends on the level of confidence. How you are, measured to the rest. If you feel great, you will be too.. But under SWE, the pressure is too great. All of them had sections... and i'm the only one in the section.. sadness.

Anyway, looking forward to schooling.. didn't spend time to catch up, but i understand what they are teaching.. all except FI.. Must really find time to study..

I'm Bored...

Ar.. holiday too long.. i'm going to go crazy.. So envy of those that are happy go lucky.. haha.. no worries. Maybe they really don't think.. that much that is. I know it is a choice, but i just want to choose that way. Looking through my msn log, then i realised how much things change.. bit by bit, slowly but definately.

Recovered 2 kgs.. had been trying very very hard to gain weight.. i know i'm very light.. please don't remind me.. Anyway, i'm hungry again. Maybe i could comfort myself.. at least i won't turn into a dino.

UC coming.. not at the least worried.. the other that i'm worried.. seems it doesn't bothers anyone. Maybe i should just go off and disapper somewhere. Running away i guess.. its programmed.

ARGH!!.. so bored!

For The Better Or The Worse?

Finally i got better.. but i felt worse.

After about too weeks, i can now eat freely. Felt so ill that i lost 4kgs over past 2 weeks.. When can i regain back? Haha.. spent so much effort to gain 2kgs in 2 months.. and its all over in 2 weeks. Maybe things are like that.. it seems so unimportant when you had it.

Some things are driving me crazy.. really really agitated at some things.. just hoped that thngs might get better.

The school i'm in.. it seems that it is getting worse since the status.. i wondered.. how come the students now react so 'unprofessionally'? A bunch of rich kids that are spoilt enough to do 'catwalk' along the corridor.. kind of irritates me. And people who left their rubbish on the tables.. What is this?

Think i'm really too stressed up. Time to prepare for exams...