Full of Emptiness

Attended lecture alone today coz skipped Thursday's lecture due to some reasons.. Maybe i think too much .. haha.. coz i seems to have a lot of questions regarding the things taught.. yet didn't want to raise it to avoid being "detected" by the lecturer.. haha. Anyway, i think my questions were rather stupid and irrelevant to the context. Kept bugging those around me.. i wanted to know.. Curious what.. Stayed in school to have lunch with my primary school friend after lessons.. But chose the wrong place to eat.. Coz we were studying at the same place after lunch and it was outside the Econs LT.. And i forgot... That someone was in there.. So break came and i saw her. Think she saw me too. But strangely, i wanted to avoid.. Anyway, she didn't approach me.. and i stayed put. So it was really over... It doesn't matter, wasn't meant to be anyway. But in the beginning, that feeling was so real.. Things started at the wrong end i should say.. Felt that it was my fault.. to mislead her. But things were happening around me as well.. Felt so restricted.. couldn't type all i wanted to.. Maybe should switch back to writing my journal.

Had been three days since my sis moved out, and it had been quiet at home.. Her room was empty, only to be filled by things in my room that i long wanted to get rid of. Think she will come back only occasionally.. but i promised to keep the room tidy ^^ But she moved the piano away from my room~ Nothing to practice on..

Nothing had been smooth these days.. the beginning of the ride down on the roller-coaster-again. Had another flare up of my old condition, arthritis. Just like a visit from an old friend.. haha..i don't mind the visit, but it better don't stay.. Coz of the condition, it had been downhill since. Seldom had the occasion to be joyous..From 1999 and lasted till mid 2004. Though things changed since mid 2004. Knew it won't last long, but was able to cherish it. Only through sadness that we will know what joy is..