CV CV CV . . .

Maybe coz i got too excited the night before.. then no more energy to be hyper during the actual game.. Hmm.. maybe coz we all used to getting nua? Haha.. anyway, didn't win lor.. there goes my dinner.. hahaha. Eventful day.. and my legs are breaking.. haha.. yet there was dissapointment hidden somewhere.. (don't try to read me.. ) Coz we didn't win la..

Got overdose of placebo these two days.. think i'm going nuts..

CV CV CV~!!

Muahahahaha~!!! City Venture tomorrow!.. i'm so excited!! Erm... for what i also dunno... just excited lah! Win or lose.. it doesn't matter. But hor.. anyone dares to take the prize from us.... \./ .. Come~ LoL... kidding la.. dunno the outcome also. So unpredictable like the Forex market.. too much POB le.. Think i can't sleep tonight.. wah~

Think Too Much? Carry On...

Often, things are not what they seem to be. Actually it is rather tiring and difficult to guess others' intention. Yet from young, we are trained to interpret in our own context, from our limited experience in life. More often than not, we read them differently from the intended meaning. As we grow, we became more sensitive to the words and action people convey. We became specialised in picking out things that might be directed at us - good or bad.

Misunderstandings - it happens because of asymmetric information. The originator has 100 percent knowledge of the intention while the receiving end can only guess based on whatever information they can get. People choose to convey their intention in a subtle manner to have that sense of security. And it is this sense of security that forms a barrier - fence that forbids us to speak freely, to express. For fear of being ridicule, being rejected. So, we kept things secret. Yet, part of us needed people to know. Hence only part of the story is told. The rest is up to the creativity and imagination of the receiver. But without the experience, the information is often distorted and far from the intended version.

Which is why people often hear other says, " you think too much liao.." But really.. sometimes i felt it too. Till the day when everything is over, then i'll realise how simple things actually are.. Why complicate it? Give and take.. everything will fall into place <-- i hope.. and i hope my version will be the intended one.. hahaha.. Even as this happens.. people are trying to guess what i mean.. lol.. what can i say? " Think too much liao.." But i guess, maybe it is this hope that will keep people going.. even if it is a false hope. Or should i say.. misuderstood hope?

Too much happened within my mind these days.. coz i'm older already.. haha.. nope.. maybe coz i've seen more. Wondered why the intended bus doesn't come while all others kept coming. . vacant taxis are a rarity when time is running short.. traffic jams, traffic lights, weather... all are against hope. Maybe we know that those adversities are to be a reality.. thats why they happen, and thats why we hope they don't. Also, negative things tend to capture our attention more.. maybe thats why people one fond of usually doesn't reciprocate? - GQoo theory: I feel that it is the combination of both. The false hope syndrome together with the significance of negativity. Meaning - think too much liao.. hahaha. but still, it is these thoughts that motivates.. so.. carry on thinking bah..

Realization hurts while ignorance is a bliss. Being hopeful is to be exposed to devestation. And that explains the irony why the things that made me happy are often the same ones that brings about that bitter feeling. Don't try to read me.. i don't think anyone will understand. Intention will only end up being distorted..

I'm sooo Tired

Wah~ so much to blog but no energy to do it.. i'm so tired.. but at least Bazaar is taking shape ^^ Thanks to everyone! Finally understand why things are done in certain ways.. but i'm too tired.. time to sleep. Zzz

Something on my mind..

tmrl tv nhkv vpgz sggzs dh rvkls. vnwovs vx mlgz, s gh hbyzvsg lgmr tmr oozun zrkr itbn tmrh ol. wv wfo vwv ylgfovhbn, wz vo hrnlghr mlrgmv, gm ri luowugl. novsd ivelv ylgw, mzi ve lm vpzgtmrvy. d lmltg vo lg ghvy hr grh hv ftr...

Awaked

Just woke up no long ago.. didn't have a good rest just now. Was dreaming the whole morning. Haiz.. and as if dreaming isn't enough.. It was like a playback of the things i had on my mind. How scary. Maybe they were there to highlight my concerns? Thought things were supposed to be over and forgotten. Guess they have already become part of me. Doesn't feel very right.. what a weird feeling.

Looking back, wondered what rubbish i typed before i went to bed.. haha.. wasn't on a clear mind i guess.

W O R R I E D ~

What a weird timing.. Anyway, i stil have the bazaar to worry about.. and i think my seniors are even more worried.. Coz they have to answer to someone else.. Though, it doesn't give me the excuse not to deliever. But after that, i guess it is time for studies. Though i should need my dose of "medication".. i think i can't wait of it to appear. Time is limited.. and it is rather irritating to keep asking for a medicine to drop from the sky. Since the one i found doesn't suit me, i'll have to wait lo.. who knows how long? But it shouldn't affect my studies.. Maybe it will.. lol.. nonsense again..

Bazaar bazaar.. really want to thank our seniors for helping us with the bulk, especially the Ex-cos. Felt very bad about it.. but the things i can do are rather limited. There will be a meeting later .. but rather disappointed.. the date that i choose is ALWAYS wrong. My fault huh..haha.. nah.. just don't want people to feel bad about not being able to attened. I believe that they have genuine reasons.. they have their freedom too..and they don't need to explain to me too.. just that i'm asking for help. I have no rights to question.. just me and my itchy hand.

I'm so tired and hungry ... it's already 0435 now.. and i didn't take my dinner just now.. Just couldn't get to sleep again. The mosquitoe is bugging me... and also there are too many things on my mind. Where should i go from here onwards? I'm lost..

I'm 21!

Wondered why i like to prepare for the worst outcome for everything.. I'm pessimistic? Nah.. i don't think so. I'm an optimist with pessimistic views... haha.. what nonsense. Hmm.. felt something and mind began to wander again. So imaginative.. But.. hmm.. forget it.

Almost forgot it was my 21st birthday today.. haha.. had a major celebration a week ago, and it seems so long ago. Was so touched.. so many of my friends send me sms today ^^ But end up didn't pay attention in class.

So.. the day passed without me realizing it.. maybe just a bit older. Have to learn to control my emotions better. Though some things happened these few days, i'm glad that there are still my friends, peers and seniors around to lend a helping hand. I'm older liao.. should have no problem bah.. No worries ^^

Sunday isn't that Sunny

Haiz.. Sunday and i still have to work for the bazaar lor.. went to Woodlands after band practice. From Tampines to my home and then to Woodlands again. Nobody asked me to.. i think i over commit le.. Went in search of vendors selling non-fashion related stuffs.. wonder how to get them.. sell toys? or flowers? How to find the market in SIM... Don't know what they are thinking.. In the end i'm still responsible to the vendors.. They sure complain if they have no business.. now like i'm going to "ta" everything huh.. and hor.. and hor.. today i'm celebrating my birthday leh!!.. sad la.. who ask me so slow in doing things..

Luckily Serene was there to lead the way.. seldom go that far north nowadays.. haha.. So we set off to ask a few vendors.. well, what can i say.. some people are just not easy to get along with.. haha.. i hope they meant nothing personal.. so in the end we only got 3 more vendors.. with 1 confirm coming and the other two considering. Next in task - collect all the rental by end of this month. Poor jiu mei.. haiz.. poor everyone..

Then morning band practice was still ok.. except i think i'm lacking in endurence.. btw, the principal player is back. I'm relieve of my duty.. need to work harder.. stress.. haha. Then me and my stupid idea.. tried a new route on the way home.. then took me so long to reach. Band practice ended at 1.30pm and i reached home about 2 hours later. No wonder i'm in a bad mood..

So that mood lasted all day.. even when i'm going to celebrate my birthday with my family.. Until i see.. my tiramisu birthday cake!! hahaha.. i just love chocolates ^^

S T R E S S -

Haiz.. i'm so stress.. me and my fate huh? Or izzit my itchy hand again? Shouldn't have drawn that lot in the first place.. Since i already did, what is there to do? Ooo.. can't wait for the bazaar to be over.. have a feeling of being sandwiched all around. No one is at fault.. and i'm not using this to target anyone.. Guess everyone is anxious about the Bazaar. Management, vendors and all of us. Now having more and more pimples and grey hair.. haha. Still have not taken my school work and band into account. And there are other things too.. like family and friends.. I don't lack time. Just lacking in motivation. Should have taken the med to motivate me.. hahaa.. what nonsense..

Will be going to Tampines for band practice again. Hopefully i won't screw up anything.. I'm used to doing things by 'feel' rather then 'skill'. Which means i'm depending on luck most of the time.. how unprofessional.

The coming monday will be so special to me.. yet i think it was ruined before it came.. I'm still being childish.. Constantly reading the first chapter over and over again.. yet, so much have changed. Guess this is the process of growing up.. What is left are just memories and not feelings. It wouldn't surface again. And this is where the chapter concludes. Love shouldn't become hate. Even if it does, there are no longer any feelings towards. After so much, i began to wonder.. why it took me so much time and energy.. Actually, i've already started writting the next chapter.. and no matter how it turns out, it will still be my story. It is just a matter of choice.. to close or not to close.

?

iz ulhg vbi zv mlh ...

Thank you Warlords~!!

Just had my birthday celebration yesterday!! yay~!! Finally i'm 21.. haha.. huh? oh ya.. not my actual birthday yet.. haha.. anyway, i had a great time! ^^ Was so happy that the Warlords (My OG) celebrated it for me~ aww. Must thank all of them for the dinner, cake and present(s).. especially those who made it happen. (You know who you are ;)) Wasn't able to blog this coz my comp kept breaking down.. hmm.. maybe i get myself a 256 DDR ram for my birthday? Or maybe a keyboard .. i miss my piano.. haha.. But was really happy... ^^ Went to pizza hut .. but.. but.. just went to NDC to tighten my braces.. and the crust was so hard.. so only had a few slices of pizza.. actually it was 2 or 3. haha.. but i ate a lot of pasta, baked rice and lasagne.. hehe. But too bad didn't finish it.. coz.. hai.. what to do? It was my birthday mah.. although jiu mei saved me from being smashed by the cake.. (or was she saving the cake from me? haha.. kidding) but she could do nothing to the mixture. Looking back at the pictures and from its taste, i could more or less figure out what went into the mixture. But mountain dew doesn't go well with pasta leh.. haha. Then a lot of cheese went in too.. for the first time, think i had an overdose of cheese. But the chocolate cake can cover up for it ^^ Next came the present! Haha.. looking at it, i feel like laughing lor.. the main one was a pencil case. Big one somemore.. haha.. coz my pencil box was too "loc" le.. lol.. i knew it would happen.. was going to change liao.. haha.. but just couldn't find. But don't think i'll use this new one in school.. or else it'll have scratches liao.. Now for the contents inside.. whaaha.. 1st level.. a highlighter and mechanical pencil. Looks familiar.. haha.. vey familiar lor.. lol.. is it in trend these days? or it is reserved for the bookshop ambassadors? hahaha.. ROTFLOL.. next floor.. 4 pilot pens! The same one i'm using! haha.. + ruler (coz i broke my ruler in order to fit it in my current pencil case) + liquid paper.. wah.. a whole set of stantionary.. lol.. everything was soo.. how do i describe it? haha.. Just want to say.. Thanks again~!! Oh.. haha.. not to mention, Serene's present from Bangkok.. haha.. shall not say what it was.. haha.. Thank you Warlords~!!

GQoo's Conundrum

Some things are just not meant to be published online.. so i do it in code form.. haha.. 1st installment:
vmrxr w vnbn wmflu ve zsrpmrsg.
haha... guess i'm too borded.. lol..

2nd MGM

Had a bad scare just now.. was asked to give an update of the bazaar to the whole SRC during MGM. Haha.. knew i couldn't, but had to anyway. Wasn't pessimistic.. just that i'm not up to it .. yet. So it won't fail next time? Ya.. coz the 2IC is going.. haha.. Not my cup of tea leh.. The moment i took over the mic, feel like wanting to sing a song.. haha.. but didn't want to scare the rest.. lol. Guess the only time i won't panic holding a mic is when at KTV..

Called some vendors for the bazaar today and didn't get good respond from them.. Realised that they are people who wanted to do business while we are the ones just wanting to have fun.. But, charging them $60 for 3 days is like giving them an opportunity to earn a huge profit.. yet they still want to complain this, complain that.. In theory, everything is assumed.. lol .. but in practical, everything can go wrong.. I'm not pessimistic, just stating the facts.. I'm just finding fault with my optimism..

No job liao.. sob.. and i missed my IR lecture.. another $50 gone.. ( jiu mei calculated it for me). Two more days to my POB test.. and i haven't started studying.. especially since it is going to be essay based. Think i will burn the mid night oil tonight.. wah..

I'm Immune!

Saw my last medicine so many times today.. wahaha.. didn't want to take it.. but don't know why it came wandering in front of me... Guess i'm immune. A good thing.. so many medicine to choose from.. one i'm immune.. the other i'm allergic.. there might be a third...

Forgot to update an entry yesterday.. was the second bazaar meeting .. but it turned out to be a total flop.. Didn't prepare well enough for it.. didn't get the info i needed.. most importantly.. didn't call off the meeting when i knew that it will be a waste of time. All my fault.. but it won't happen again. At least i hope. Things we discussed couldn't be realised.. Only towards the end, did we managed to get some work done.. what will be the next step? Thought through some during today's maths lecture.. It WON'T fail again.

Combined Practice

Went for band practice today.. although reluctant.. but had given my promise.. I want to get away from that place, a place that was never meant for me. Did what i could. Delivered all my best. Maybe because of my incompetence , the band sounded not as well.. But from what i heard, it was too full of individuals trying to overshadow others. Not a very good sign for a "band". A band of soloists? It is not for me to criticize.. An amateur horn player even after eight years of playing.. I have no rights. As usual, that place does give me an hostile feeling.. maybe i should leave for a while. Combined with a few other alumni band in the neighborhood. Quantity does not count.. another disappointment.

Went to study at J8 today. Spent a lot of time trying to understand the maths lecture.. coz i was doing my maths assignment for the 1st half of the lessons.. hahaa.. slacker! But completed anyway. But it came at a price.. altogether i missed 3/2 maths lecture. Also asked my buddy wm about some econs using differentiation.. So it was right.. minimum MC occurs at the point of inflexion of the TC curve.. hahaha.. finally cleared my doubts.. by a chem engine student who didn't take econs.. haha.

Still haven't recovered fully from yesterday's shock.. haha.. But felt better anyway.. should be glad that people are doing well.. but still feel a but weird.. don't know where those emotion came from.. maybe it was something else?? Then it might be another crisis.. haha.. Guess i think too much.. hoped that things will return to normal soon..

Me and My Itchy hand..

For what reason did i try out the now search engine.. found out things which i never wanted to..maybe i was just curious.. but it doesn't matter.. or does it? Had to grow out of it.. i've stopped taking that medicine.. because i'm allergic. The newer one was never meant for me as well.. but why that feeling..? Finally understood what actually happen.. where was all these weird emotions coming from? It was long over. Guess it had become part of me.. It was never meant to be.. it was never meant to be... i felt so stupid.. so childish.. I'm still allergic to the medicine.. i need a new prescription.. i need a doctor.. where are they..? losing control.. a matter of an hour and things changed.. me and my itchy hand.. (and that stupid new search engine) but it was never my intention.. it was NOT. Was an accident.. Fatal one indeed.. Maybe i just wanted to know how is she getting on.. just that i found out too much.. Thought i had got rid of my reliance on THAT medicine.. seems like an hopeless addict now.. i need new prescription..

Things happened and no point running away.. but i've grown in my own ways.. Think i can manage it well enough now. Will be able to get through it soon i hope.. i just need my medicine..

Full of Emptiness

Attended lecture alone today coz skipped Thursday's lecture due to some reasons.. Maybe i think too much .. haha.. coz i seems to have a lot of questions regarding the things taught.. yet didn't want to raise it to avoid being "detected" by the lecturer.. haha. Anyway, i think my questions were rather stupid and irrelevant to the context. Kept bugging those around me.. i wanted to know.. Curious what.. Stayed in school to have lunch with my primary school friend after lessons.. But chose the wrong place to eat.. Coz we were studying at the same place after lunch and it was outside the Econs LT.. And i forgot... That someone was in there.. So break came and i saw her. Think she saw me too. But strangely, i wanted to avoid.. Anyway, she didn't approach me.. and i stayed put. So it was really over... It doesn't matter, wasn't meant to be anyway. But in the beginning, that feeling was so real.. Things started at the wrong end i should say.. Felt that it was my fault.. to mislead her. But things were happening around me as well.. Felt so restricted.. couldn't type all i wanted to.. Maybe should switch back to writing my journal.

Had been three days since my sis moved out, and it had been quiet at home.. Her room was empty, only to be filled by things in my room that i long wanted to get rid of. Think she will come back only occasionally.. but i promised to keep the room tidy ^^ But she moved the piano away from my room~ Nothing to practice on..

Nothing had been smooth these days.. the beginning of the ride down on the roller-coaster-again. Had another flare up of my old condition, arthritis. Just like a visit from an old friend.. haha..i don't mind the visit, but it better don't stay.. Coz of the condition, it had been downhill since. Seldom had the occasion to be joyous..From 1999 and lasted till mid 2004. Though things changed since mid 2004. Knew it won't last long, but was able to cherish it. Only through sadness that we will know what joy is..

Moving On

Phew~ finally end of the month.. and one month nearer to exams! And i'm still in a holiday mood.. haha.. Haven't be feeling right these few days coz my sis moved out. Gave me a kind of weird feeling. Guess i'm still not used to it. Got affected by a few other things as well..some dated back to five years, so was moody. No matter what.. life goes on, and its time to move on again.

Nothing much happened except that i had much more to do these days. Just got another job offer but had to turn down due to band commitments.. Between passion, friends and money.. had to choose one. So in the end, band was more important.. coz i promised to stay.. but guess i'm not up to it after skipping so many practices.. and the concert is coming.. haiz.

Not My Day~

Enough is enough! sick and tired of typing.. retyped this for the third time.. Guess i shouldn't blog today.