Stupid Computer \ . /

Went to KTV again.. but this time round with SRC Welfarians ^^ Was really impressed by our SRC President's singing.. a powerful singer.. my ah ma also.. haha.. Seems the welfare department is full of talented singers. Sang until no voice ... coz was hogging the mic.. haha.. felt a bit bad... coz i ended up singing the last few songs..

Had another project going today. Was xin yao's turn (sounds like someone's name..) ... had a completely different idea of what it was before i saw it.. Anyway, it was all over! Just like the bazaar.. throw one side and don't think about it.. haha.. Speaking of it.. my seniors had helped me recovered my power strip ^^ haha.. though i've already bought a replacement. No harm having an extra..

Having problems with my computer again..Internet connection was down and my graphic card couldn't function properly.. Thought it was a software problem... and itchy hand went to reformat it while trying to solve.. Discovered that it was actually a hardware problem.. Got it fixed anyway.. was already past midnight. Just take it as a practice.. in preparation .. for something else.

Finally able to catch up with lectures these days.. i'm hyper charged. But still lagging in certain topics.. especially maths and stats. Need someone to guide me... Also didn't hand in tutorials and didn't attend test. Wonder what i'm doing in school.. haha.. the same thing happened in my JC days.. what a waste of time.

Again, another sarcastic remark from the same person.. lol.. knew it was meant to be a joke.. but anything too repetitively can be disastrous.. Someday, i'll interpret as a form of hostile intention and may take it personally.. maybe he don't need another friend.. or does he prefer an enemy instead?

Had to sleep early again.. need to reach school early to book seats.. Still can manage with NP, SP and RMIT on holidays.. but i'm not sleepy.

Done

Had my computer reformatted.. finally.. had to go through the grueling process of reinstalling the sofwares.. But was able to get online within a day .. haha.. had to practice more..

I Don't Know

Had been real busy trying to change my lifestyle these days. Finally got my computer fixed.. but spent quite a bit buying the hardware. No longer interested in going for band practices.. Nothing worth going. Seems to have no bond there.. and i still can't see the direction. Of course, there's something which i don't wish to stir. Lies and more.. i had enough. And the more i realise, the more i don't wish to go. I've lost my commitments there. Might as well. Things were dragging for too long..

Went to NDC a few days back.. and got rather disappointed. Still couldn't take down my braces. My teeth are as stubborn as me. Almost three years.. it is taking much longer than i've expected. But it no longer bothers me as much. I've learnt to play the horn with it.. and the ulcers that come with it after every practice. Now my orthodontist is gettiing impatient too. Made me wear the rubber bands.. and double the quantity too.. haha.. having difficulties trying to open my mouth.. not to mention the pain the comes with every bite. No wonder i couldn't gain any weight.

Received an email from SWE.. now they've change the venue of band practices from Tampines to.. Jurong.. =.=" Does it make any difference.. From extreme east to extreme west.. haha.. and for 2 years, i've been to that almost everyday. Now i'm going back there again. Fortunate thing is that won't be that lost there.. Still have to make 3 transfers.. with my instrument somemore.. how am i going to manage..west side is always packed with people..

Thought of something that made me very happy.. wonder how long it will last before the next plunge. But that is just part of the cycle. And.. i've run out of titles!.. haha..

Xin yao coming soon.. wish them all the best!

The Incredibles

Second day of the week.. i'm suprised. Still feeling so hyper.. nothing can dampen my mood. ^^ Though couldn't study with my sp today.. she had no lessons.. But expected it anyway.. she's still the same.. as busy as usual.. haha.. Went to maths lecture early today to book seats. Seems like i'm the early one during these few maths lecture as NP students are now having holidays. But it will end soon.. sad case.. haha.. and i'll have to wake up early again. -.-"

Now beginning to understand what Meena was teaching.. on probability.. and bazaar is over! Hahaha.. can concentrate.. no wonder i feel so happy.. haha.. But now and then, still will receive calls regarding the bazaar. Yesterday was a vendor complaining about their goods being lost .. and today the admin called and asked for their extension cables.. hahaa.. haiz.. will it even end? We got back our maths test paper today.. i had 66%.. the lowest among them.. sian.. haha.. and Wenli had 80+ i think .. and while collecting the papers, i saw a full marks script.. and it belonged to.. Ismond. Knew maths was one of her forte... she had A for her 'A' levels.. but couldn't imagine she is so li hai.. wow~ Then we all kept making fun of the incident.. haha.. said we wanted to paste the script on the board and then people will want to beat her up coz they jealous mah.. haha.. but really ... won't be that evil la.. Maybe ask her be our tutor? Hahaa..

Since my sp didn't turn up today, i also didn't have the motivation to study. In the end went to watch the incredibles with 9th, 12th and 14th mei.. Turned out to be a right choice ( i mean the movie). Haahahaa.. was so entertained by the show lor.. too bad Serene's friend couldn't join us.. had prepared to study, so brought along a lot of study materials.. hmm... virgos are so hardworking.. hmm.. maybe next time lor.. and Serene kept laughing..all the way leh.. haha. The most funny part was when Jack Jack turned into a.. er... what was that? Hahaha... a baby human tourch? Was so funny lor..

Still eating a lot nowadays.. really want to gain more weight so my clothes won't look so loose.. Still a long way to go..^^ Found another thing to work towards.. won't be so free to let my mind wander again.

Nothing Is Permanent Except Change

"the universal human yearning for something permanent, enduring, without shadow of change” - Willa Cather

But the fact is, changes are prevalent. Security will not last long... but without changes, everything will be so monotonous.. i'm still an optimist.. but now becoming a realist soon.. if people keeps showing their selfish nature.. Soon i'll learn it from them.. and till then, let's see who can be more selfish.. muahahaa. Still, compassion can revert all that... but it'll only happen in a state of adversity. Learning not to take things for granted.. and be less self-centered. Confident but not arrogant.

So i've decided on a change in my lifestyle.. need to catch up already.. if not i'll always be lagging.. Think i'll have to keep myself occupied. Stayed back after school to study and found that i can only comprehend 1.5 pages of my econs after staring at it for 2 hours.. It's so tough. And that is only for econs.. think my maths is a goner.. and IR.. i will have to skip it once again this Wednesday.. 2 times in a row.. total i skipped 3 - 4 IR lectures... hahaha... time to panic..

Still have a lot of things pending.. a lot of things yet to buy.. that includes a powerstrip, which i lost during the bazaar, a 256 RAM... and so on.. And also quite a number of things to do.. That includes studying. I need someone to guide me. I'm lost.. in academic. Didn't want the medicine nonsense to bother me.. so.. i'll KIV it. I guess, first priority is still studies.. it was already bad enough not to get into local university.. and the same type of problem again.. though in a lighter degree. Nothing will rekindle that feel for now. I'm determined. Of course, i'll still enjoy life.. felt so happy today.. at least i've achieved something.

Was actually looking forward to Tuesday .. coz someone was accompanying me to study.. but now it depends.. well, kind of understand it.. all the way from Hougang to Clementi just to study.. =.=" .. coz there's no lessons tomorrow.. kind of disappointed. I'll hold on... letting go everytime when there's problem.. that shouldn't be.. wouldn't want the feeling of regret anymore. Not now. The indecisive nature has to be kept in check.

And i don't want to lock my fate that soon..at least not with this.. Erm.. don't ask me what's my decision.. i don't know. Libra and Virgo sure don't match.. (it was an excuse) Who knows what will happen in the future? Might be something very interesting.. maybe something else.. Still, studies first....^^

Jedi and Warlord... they are not natural enemies... hahaha.. now i finally understood.

Must sleep early today (but it is already 1.20am) and try to reach school early tomorrow to book seats.. coz don't know why Serene kept coming late for stats and hence ismond is always earlier. And even when i've booked the seats, she'll missed it... coz Serene is not around? haha.. maybe she didn't expect? Nevermind.. this time round i'll make sure to let her know.

I'm Sorry..

Sorry to someone.. think i can't put the name here.. i've done enough damage to the reputation. Just a few, more days.. and i'll be back from my rest.. will have to concentrate on my studies.. didn't want to retake any subjects on my second year. It will be very expensive lo..

Didn't know what happened these days... had been sleeping through all the day.. maybe need to recharge after the bazaar? Will be having econs lecture tomorrow.. seems i'm lost.. skipped the consultation.. now i don't know what is going on. Maybe i'll go there just to have coffee.. and hopefully.. my milo.. oops.. ya.. i can't have my milo anymore..

Medicine Problem Again..

Still couldn't believe that the bazaar is over.. hahaha.. think i'm going to celebrate~!! Overall, i don't like the month of November. July is still the best! So free to do anything.. Nowadays seems to have too much to do, but no energy to accomplish. Or maybe i have too much to think about?

The use of placebo had been disapproved.. had been unfair to placebo.. Better to keep my mouth shut. Don't know why.. but i kept thinking of someone.. Still.. i'm hesitant... Ar.. Bazaar ended and i start my medicine nonsense again. Maybe it was over exposure? But i really need my placebo to divert my attention..

Last Day

Last day of bazaar~!! Wahahahaha.. tired but glad. What is over doesn't matter anymore. But i really have to say, it really tipped my scales back when so many people were around to wrap up everything, even people not in the committee. Think i went too far somehow.. resorted to sacarsm instead of being firm.. haha.. i'm not born to lead, but to follow. Since everything is over, i want to forget this episode soon.. haha.. bad memories shouldn't stay.. I'm back! hahaha..

So happening today.. early in the morning, Karen, Jasmine and me went to get our free breakfast-Yogurt Ice Cream! Should have asked the vendor in the first day. The first cup i had was chocolate chips cookie with banana!? Thought it wouldn't taste nice coz i don't like to eat bananas.. =.=" But it turned out to be the opposite. I think it is because of professional help.. haha.. that stall owner help me to choose. Then i "kay kiang", .. afternoon went to mix one orange with kiwi.. and jiu mei kept making fun.. say what orange and green.. really that funny huh? Ya.. and jiu mei takes after my ah ma liao.. they always have the same taste, same temperament, and don't what think else.. can be scary wif 2 x ah ma or 2 x jiu mei.. hard to fight ... Now that the cold war is over, they can combine forces.. Better not offened them. And don't know why someone still want to fight with me on Friday.. Wrong day.. and i'm too tired to fight..

Spent a lot today at the bazaar.. maybe coz today is the last day.. maybe coz the business is poor for the vendors.. altogether i ate one chicken pie, one beef pie, three mini egg tarts and one saussage.. haha.. those are my breakfast, lunch and dinner.. Skipping lunch these few days.. so had to eat somehow or rather.. if not i'll be reduced to bones.. lol.

Went to watch talentime finals today.. wasn't as great as the semi-finals.. but actually was there to hear president of SRC to sing . But end up got stuck.. coz some of the contestants were really good.. all except.. opps.. bad karma.. haha.. but it was damn funny.. hahaha. I should say..he's very confident!

And when bazaar is over.. i'll think of my medicine.. saw someone during talentime today.. no wonder i stood back that time. He was still with her.. and he, is my college friend. And he knows about my intention too.. got me stalled and backed off.. i don't like competition.. and especially so with a friend. But, is it really true that once the feeling is lost, it couldn't be recovered anymore? i don't know.. but i saw her these 3 days during the bazaar.. coz i was too free.. kept walking around. Thought i was immune.. but i felt something.. seems like some glowing splint.. but i know it would get replaced soon by my placebo. It was meant to be this way.. Push, pull or whatever.. i'm lost.. can't the signal be clearer? I'm drifting... haiz..

So... everything is over! Want to thank my seniors, especially Karen, Jasmine, Grance and Ziming.. not forgetting.. the bazaar committee and welfarians from other department!

Almost Accidentally In Shock..

And "accident" happened while i was trying to log on.. lent my powerstrip to one of the vendors today and he didn't return me.. or was it still at the booth? But because of that, i had to use a multiplug for my router. Heard a loud boom and the power supply for my unit got cut off. I saw the sparks from the power point .. at that point, i was stunned.. it happened too quickly. Think i could have got electrocuted.. and the accident will become a tragedy. But i really got a shock.. luckily it wasn't an electric shock.. Couldn't think of anything now.. a lot of things to update on the bazaar... but i've forgotten.

Wondered what will happen if i really died just now.. my mom was very worried. She was around when the power tripped. And she saw and heard everything.. Kept asking whether i was alright. Got her worried again.. haiz.. And i still don't know where my medicine is..

Was typing and trying to recover from my shock.. but... someone caused my fuse to blow.. What the heck.. (took out the rest.. didn't want to accumulate bad karma.. really! it's true!..)

1st Day

(Censored)-didn't want to have bad karma..

So the first day, vendors trying new stunts her and there. I see magical desks.. suddenly they can move about, and have different formations. And i looked like and idiot carrying the desks and chairs all the way from 2.14 as and when vendors "requested" for it. First thing in the morning.. one complained that the location was not right. That was because they were very imaginative.. i won't find excuse for them. Next, the other complained that the desk wasn't the one stated when we were collecting our rental. That i won't find excuse for myself. I was too imaginative. The rest were complains that business isn't too good. For that, i didn't choose the date.. i wasn't my fault. But i knew they were coming in.. so i do have a part.. haha... pamphlets was late.. coz i dragged.. banner wasn't provided/included coz the FEW balloons were more important. And what else? all wanted to change booths.. haha.. or should i say, their products doesn't sell in SIM bah.. put the booth at the bus stop also no one wants to buy. Once again, the few very committed turned up early in the morning to help.. but still, i can see.. the disappointment displayed by ah gong.. if was enough to touch me.. but it wasn't solid to move that bear.. (coz he had more mass? hahaha.. he fit leh.. can move 5 desks at one go..) But at this stage, i can't give up. I can only bomb my blog.. and hope that things will be better for the next day. And the next day, i'll find myself bombing my blog again...

Learnt a lot during this period. And got to find out things are done due to a thing called reason. It is this reason that people like to question. Question a lot.. but work little.. and i don't feel like entertaining these people.. even if i told them, they would tell me a very wonderful soloution.. too wonderful.. coz they only use their mouth, not their hands.. or was it my hands they are using? I have less faith in people now.. too realistic and too competitive. Two more days.. and i'll be free! And for people who are already freed, there is nothing to be joyous of.

Maybe the only consolation i get for the day is that, the cold war between my two friends had ended after a month... Hahaa.. ^^

Still seeking my medicine.. and always something that happens.. double "push" effect.. haha... and no "pulling".. push somemore and i'll fall into the sea lor.. and seems that the placebo is working.... argh.. i don't want... what is happening? Hope i can sleep well tonight.. and wake up late tomorrow morning.. i need my rest.

Dun try me..

My scales got tipped two times today.. can't control my temper nowadays.. and to think that people will want to temper with it.. but definitely, i'm pissed.. but only momentary. I shall not find excuse for people.. i have the right to display my displeasure. Too bad lor.. wrong place at the wrong time.. Who cares?

Anyway, the bazaar is starting tomorrow. And who knows what will happen? No one knows. For all i know, the vendors will do some "stunt" to make life difficult. When life gets serious, people get anxious. They are doing it for profit.. and we, the... ( i can't think of another word to describe "fool" ) just want to have fun. And if stress is considered as having fun.. and i can tell, not many people cared about what will happen too. Coz "someone" is expected to shoulder all for them.. or to "ta".. maybe i shouldn't care also? How should i put it.. saw some people who are really committed.. and others who don't care. Selfish? Nope.. REALISTIC! Doing things when it benefits.. Survival is the word.

Or should i say, someone tipped my scales once again.. even on msm.. people still want to behave in a childish manner.. and that isn't enough.. want to agitate me somemore... the same people.. haiz.. when will they learn? I have serious attitude problem. And just as i started.. it subsided again.

Maybe i'm on a lower technological level.. encapsulated in my lost world for five years.. no wonder people changed so much. And i'm the only one who moved off late. Seriously, i'm not being abnormal, and neither am i too stress. Just that reality is so ugly. Darn!

Tio Aim

Don't know since when i became the target of someone's discussion. Sian.. haha.. sarcasm .. whoa.. think i can still take it. Mind over matter. Haiz.. maybe got to keep my profile low. Definitely after bazaar.. think i'm going to disappear liao.. haha..

Finally, i got to drive my dad's car.. wahaha.. feels so different. Drove from my house all the way to Tampines. But with him beside me, it's just like having speed regulator fitted. Kept telling me to slow down.. But still, don't think i'll get to drive it that often..

Had so much to write.. but i guess, i'm just too tired to recall the details..

What will happen?

Finally had the time to blog.. What a busy week. Moving desks, buying table cloth and all..But glad that the Bazaar is taking shape - thanks to the excos and also the bazaar committee. I'm almost drained.. but filled with anticipation for the bazaar, and also the period after that. Studies should come first... SHOULD.. haha.. i'm still bothered by some things. But now i'm very tired.. just finished finalsing the details for the Bazaar. Well... after all these while.. the only thing i can say is.. me and my itchy hand.. haha.

Ya.. today is another busy day. Went to Clementi after school with 14th mei and BT to look for table cloth. And it alwyas prove the point. Problems will surface when you actually start doing it. First, the width was fixed. Next, we couldn't find the colour we wanted. Then something more amusing.. the shop didn't have enough cloth for us.. what else could happen? But in the end still got it done.. luckily they were there with me.. if not, a indecisive person like me will stand there the whole day wondering what to do.. hahha. I guess the worst part is that we paid $199 for the cloths.

After that, i went back to school to meet the vendor (hopefully that is the last one) . Was early.. so "nua" in one corner, trying to waste my time. But Ming Li and Edmund they all saw me.. haha.. and they were on their way to watch the semi finals for talentime.. and since i had time to spare, i went with them.. Was really impressed by some of the contestants. Luckily didn't take part.. haha.. if not sure get eliminated one..

Finally got everything done today. Got home before 6pm .. was about to bathe when someone called. Someone whom i've done wrong to a few years ago. Then, it was time to go out again.. but everyting is alright now, except maybe .. hmm..

I don't know why.. nowadays i'm devoid of feelings. Not that i can't feel.. but just that i don't want it to overwhelm me. So i guess, it was suppressed.. but better than to let it all out and hurt people and myself in this process. I don't know.. seems to me that life is getting far too serious. People will do things only if it benefits them.. Reality bites. The survival of the fittest.. and all these while througout childhood, we have been trained. Just that we didn't know... till the day when something happpend, and we began to wonder why. And when we realised, it is when it hurts. I sure got a few things locked.. few had the key(s).. not me.

Guess had to keep my momentum going.. for at least after the Bazaar. Had to remain at the best of mood. Shouldn't be affected.. at least not now. Everything else can wait. As i said, problems will surface on that day... just wait and see.. but hopefully, the committee will be able to glide through. Maybe i should turn to faith again.. whoa.. another long story.. i'm very tired.

*Cough* - Part 2..

Wah wah... the conductor really ask us to play the scales... Then i don't know then anyhow humtam.. hahaha. The band is getting weak.. had been the way since our return from WMC in 2001. Those were the glorious days. But things will change..the only thing permanent is change. Had to adapt. I thought i was the only one sick there.. seems that some of them got the flu too.. bad weather ar

School tomorrow.. blood donation. Hmm.. there goes.. hahaha..

Why is everyone taking things personally??? Haiz...

*Cough*

It's been a long time since i've fallen ill. Always falling sick when the roller coaster is at the bottom.. haha.. maybe coz the immune system is weak when one is down. But most likely it is because of the weather. Nice weather.. but not when i'm down with flu, fever and a sore throat.

Went to school last Thursday for Bazaar meeting.. with the director somemore.. wah~ Don't know why they all so anxious about it. Especially the balloon part.. haha.. anyway, it rained while i was on my way home. As usual, didn't bring umbrella coz very "ti ki".. then yaya papaya walk in the rain. Then got fever at night liao.. haiz..

Wondered why people always like to take things personally.. just a mere comment.. and i don't think there is a need to resort to sarcasm. Ok .. maybe it was meant to draw blood. I don't care what others think. But i felt it and i don't like the feeling of it. No one was at fault.. but i perceived that someone is intending to declare war.. So be it.

Saturday night liao.. still not feeling ok.. so i guess.. i can't donate blood on Monday huh.. There goes my milo.. hahaha.. Still having sore throat.. then still have to go for band practice tomorrow.. long journey.. haiz.. maybe "bombah" on the way there..

Hmm.. forgot to memorize the major scales.. if the conductor asked me to play.. think that's it.. i'll be wasting time again.

Toot toot..

Which is my train? Did i missed it? Or has it yet to come? Or is it already at the station??

Baza-AR

Missing lectures here and there.. what is happenning.. 15 more days.. can't wait for it to be over. Had to find time for my studies.. coz i'm lagging .. ya.. lagging... l a g g i n g. Also had been skipping band practices.. Concert coming soon.. wah wah ... overloaded.

CV CV CV . . .

Maybe coz i got too excited the night before.. then no more energy to be hyper during the actual game.. Hmm.. maybe coz we all used to getting nua? Haha.. anyway, didn't win lor.. there goes my dinner.. hahaha. Eventful day.. and my legs are breaking.. haha.. yet there was dissapointment hidden somewhere.. (don't try to read me.. ) Coz we didn't win la..

Got overdose of placebo these two days.. think i'm going nuts..

CV CV CV~!!

Muahahahaha~!!! City Venture tomorrow!.. i'm so excited!! Erm... for what i also dunno... just excited lah! Win or lose.. it doesn't matter. But hor.. anyone dares to take the prize from us.... \./ .. Come~ LoL... kidding la.. dunno the outcome also. So unpredictable like the Forex market.. too much POB le.. Think i can't sleep tonight.. wah~

Think Too Much? Carry On...

Often, things are not what they seem to be. Actually it is rather tiring and difficult to guess others' intention. Yet from young, we are trained to interpret in our own context, from our limited experience in life. More often than not, we read them differently from the intended meaning. As we grow, we became more sensitive to the words and action people convey. We became specialised in picking out things that might be directed at us - good or bad.

Misunderstandings - it happens because of asymmetric information. The originator has 100 percent knowledge of the intention while the receiving end can only guess based on whatever information they can get. People choose to convey their intention in a subtle manner to have that sense of security. And it is this sense of security that forms a barrier - fence that forbids us to speak freely, to express. For fear of being ridicule, being rejected. So, we kept things secret. Yet, part of us needed people to know. Hence only part of the story is told. The rest is up to the creativity and imagination of the receiver. But without the experience, the information is often distorted and far from the intended version.

Which is why people often hear other says, " you think too much liao.." But really.. sometimes i felt it too. Till the day when everything is over, then i'll realise how simple things actually are.. Why complicate it? Give and take.. everything will fall into place <-- i hope.. and i hope my version will be the intended one.. hahaha.. Even as this happens.. people are trying to guess what i mean.. lol.. what can i say? " Think too much liao.." But i guess, maybe it is this hope that will keep people going.. even if it is a false hope. Or should i say.. misuderstood hope?

Too much happened within my mind these days.. coz i'm older already.. haha.. nope.. maybe coz i've seen more. Wondered why the intended bus doesn't come while all others kept coming. . vacant taxis are a rarity when time is running short.. traffic jams, traffic lights, weather... all are against hope. Maybe we know that those adversities are to be a reality.. thats why they happen, and thats why we hope they don't. Also, negative things tend to capture our attention more.. maybe thats why people one fond of usually doesn't reciprocate? - GQoo theory: I feel that it is the combination of both. The false hope syndrome together with the significance of negativity. Meaning - think too much liao.. hahaha. but still, it is these thoughts that motivates.. so.. carry on thinking bah..

Realization hurts while ignorance is a bliss. Being hopeful is to be exposed to devestation. And that explains the irony why the things that made me happy are often the same ones that brings about that bitter feeling. Don't try to read me.. i don't think anyone will understand. Intention will only end up being distorted..