I Need A Break

I need a break.. actually i'm already having it. Didn't went for band practices for quite some time. Seems to me.. i don't know how to explain.. but the feeling isn't the same anymore. Was really excited about band during secondary and college days.. but now.. don't know why. Maybe they've changed.. maybe i have changed. It isn't bounded by school regulations anymore, and attendance is not complusory. Alumni and SWE. I know i haven't been responsible.. somehow or rather.. but i must ask.. are they? Nope.. i'm not shifting the blame.. and i know the management is trying very hard. It's the same for both side.. yet, this is a realist world. Without gain.. who wants to waste his time? Oops.. i've said too much. Haha.. but i never promise them anything.. only a "contract" till 2006 with Alumni. Rather disappointed with the turnout week after week.. and years after years. Maybe i need another miracle to rekindle my passion for band music. Don't push me.. i'll make me hate it even more.. and maybe i should "retire" from the band scene. No achievements yet, i'm just another amature player.. i know it myself.. and for people who thinks they are great.. it just shows the shallowness. LOL. Coz of the amount of effort needed in order to deliver the best.. and also the limit governed by talent, i've almost reached the peak.. and i'm still mediocre. And till that inspiration, i shall hold on.

As i was saying.. haha.. i need a break.. from band as well as from the mountains (and also --) I failed to conquer.. and couldn't afford another setback. I shall retreat. Maybe i'm too concerned about the ending.. maybe i'm just tired. Running away from -- consumed much of my energy. Maybe i'm not the one to scale it.. what i want is, a hill that i can fully protect and take care of.. not some ice mountain or volcano.. a field of bliss is that.. not some volcanic rock or ice kachang. Haaha.. yet i don't mean it'll remain that as always. Ice will eventually melt, and volcano will someday be inactive.. but till that happens, the field on that hill i shall seek.

Coz of my greedy life desire and my two lifetimes of bad karma.. i shall start clearing them now. I'll be good to everyone. Hahaha.. if i can help it.

Studies.. i've been hardworking. Studying in school often. Never been so hardworking (academics) in my life.. haha.. but i'm on schedule. And i'm content at that pace. I shall work for my future.. i want to set up a stall.. haha.. my own noodle stall..maybe can use the maths taught by "lima" to calculate the rate of change of the texture of the noodle with respect to time. Haha.. i'm starting again.. give me 3 lifetimes and it shall be the same!