Neutralized

Poor parky just got neutralized. It was a decision made quite some time ago by the vader, but was KIV-ed due to protest from some. In the end, it was for the health parky himself, and so was given the go ahead.

It is always sad to see him suffer, and i hope that he recover soon. Sometimes, i wondered what would he have said if he could talk. Maybe curse and swear at what we have done?

I hope that parky will have a happy and good life from here on, and may he not be inflicted pain anymore.

Parky had to put the cone to stop him from interfering with his wound.

Parky looked so sian... more sian than me.

Pre-Closing 2009

2009 had been quite a tough year on the whole, mainly due to work and other commitments. Very busy compared to 2008, and i'm left with 4 hours of weekends almost every week.

Already been a year so, and more or less i've settled on my routine.

During the year at the Chocolate Factory (CF), i've made quite some changes to the working environment. Installed a IP Camera (which is like a CCTV), and also donated my own PC to the factory. From the workbench area, we can monitor the counter, and also see if there is any customer approaching (so i can stop msn-ing.. ).

Felt quite helpless at times, coz of a different environment and expectations. Peer pressure plays a part while some that failed to understand the predicament created quite a bit of stress on a work that is already physically demanding. Not to mention, it is always political at workplaces, skywalker or not.

I couldn't say i like engineering more (which is related to my job), and i couldn't say i am happy working as an assistant mechanic (AM) which in fact i was given the designation of assistant manager (AM). I'm not getting peanuts for a blue collar job, yet i didn't have the chance to put my degree to the test. I won't be appeased that soon i guess.

Regardless, i still had to plough through.. i am no quitter (yet), as this is really a challenge at all fronts. It was unconventional and beyond expectations, same as what was expected of me. My jobs scope is limitless - computer technician, mechanic, cleaner, cashier, office boy, storeman.. and so on. All.. all except the finance department. How ironic.

I yearned for a lot.. and i yearn to put something of an impact on my CV. But i guess i can keep yearning for now.

Decided to stay, for how long i don't know.. but i wish to help the CF, to carry on in what the vader had founded. It isn't just me alone.. for what i was given till now, most of it came from the CF. Without it, perhaps there won't be any university education to talk about.

But really, the story of the digital camera really scares me.

Till then, perhaps, all these might have a different meaning altogether.

My Way

Decided on change.. drastic change.

Just last saturday, i've started to take public transport to work instead of the co.'s van. By this alone, i'd have to wake up super early each day.. around 5.30 am or so. Planned to reach by at least 7am, so that i'll have time for other things.

Met an outsite colleague at 8am, and a chat enlightens me. Somehow, he seems to know what i've been thinking. Surprised at this, coz outsite workers rarely comes into the workshop. I didn't regret waking up so early.

Great to have an almost direct bus/train service to the workplace. It saves time, energy, and money too. Luckily, i've found one.. just need to walk 15 mins, and i'll reach.. and that bus is non other than 74. From schooling time till work, it is always 74.. just that the direction is different.

Reached at 7am, and was 1.5 hours ahead of opening. Was listening to Hin's "my way", and it was sort of what that was bothering me. " i will find my way, i want a different way".. "现在遇到困难自己就要学会面对..". It wasn't easy, and the previous week was especially difficult. Overall, a super sian week.

The details, i shall not elaborate. I'm just glad there are some that really seems to understand.

Workload was rather heavy this week as the outsite boss is at taiwan. The chief mechanic had to cover for the shortage at the mobile site, and the senior mechanic had to cover for the outsite boss's job of delegation. That leaves me alone to manage the walk-in customers. A stressful and tired situation to be at, and time wasn't what i could control. Told a customer to wait 30 mins, and in the end he had to wait for an hour. Well.. at least he had the honour of getting the metal tubing made by me. Haha.. it was my 1st attempt.. and of coz, it wasn't really good. In fact, i've wasted 2 samples before getting it right. The explains for the additional half hour. Yet, the workmanship wasn't very good, and there are chances that he'll do a purchase return. The customer was very pissed off by the way.

再给半个钟,让我把 Tubing flare 成型..

While all these was happening, the highjet cables (water hoses for washing the void deck floors) kept coming in, and work was piling up. The talkie and hp kept ringing, and the senior mech was super busy. A very challenging situation to be at.. at least not as boring.. haha. A lot of mistakes at the workbench today due to the level of stress.. but at least the day is over. Just getting through is already quite a bit of achievement.

Knock off time was 7+pm. I've been at work for 12 hours.

Just one hand short, and the whole CF is in chaos.. i guess i'm the only one who still is easily substitutable. And till now, there are still customers that don't really let me serve them. They don't even look at me.. haha.. i think maybe i'm transparent or something. I guess this is how the construction sector works. And perhaps, i still can't convince myself. If i can't no one else can. Convince me. By showing me how.

Anyway i'll have my way.. if not, it'll be a different way.

Sis's ROM

Sis got ROM-ed today =) Wishing her a blissful marriage, and that she stay happy always.

TGIMs

TGIMs are not to be tampered with.

Was off to timbre for some after meal bites, while at the same time catch some erdinger right after monday. Worked till rather late coz a 2" hose got stucked in the machine. In the end work just piled up.. and it wasn't helping since no one was.

Thought that the pizza could at least offset some of the sian-ness.. but happy hour promos usually is some rojak flavour. So we ordered 2 more kebabs and erdingers, bringing the tab to almost 40 each.

After dinner bites.. i think it is more like a buffet. Was so full that i couldn't sleep.. and i fell asleep at 2 am, but woke up at 4. Gluttony is quite deadly.

The outsite boss will be going overseas the day after, and was supposed to drive the van to work.. yet, i failed the driving test. Haha.. the vehicle is too heavy.. and together with a manual gear, i was quite octopus. Meanwhile, control was giving to the senior mechanic, and so work will be quite busy with one less.

Went for follow-up at TTSH today, and it wasn't an uplifting sight at all. Patients all around, some with tubes sticking into them, and others full of plasters. All looked so chwee-ed. Luckily my condition is still alright.. i think the previous visit was just another bad episode of flare-ups. The only thing chwee is my wallet. The 3 months supply of painkillers cost $280. The only thing that is 'killing' me are the painkillers. Think i should defer prescriptions the next visit. I seldom take them anyway.

Have been sighing all day long, at least for the past 3 days.. and things are just not getting any better. That TGIM only made it worse.. coz all round, situation seems to be the same. The only thing different is coz the pasture is always greener at the other side. Work is definitely the main cause.. not in work itself, but rather, knowing what was.

Sis is getting ROM-ed, and so everyone was quite busy.. and me included. Though in fact, i didn't do much.. haha.. just busy coz i need to get ready. The rest too.. coz they all had to dress up. This is the instruction from the dowager.

Time to cut spending.. savings dropped by 30% the last month.. and plus all my giro deductions, i wonder if there is any savings at all. Time to cut down on TGIMs too.

Long Weekend

Long weekend i don't have. Work resumes on saturday.

"We are one" Have you bought your lego brick(s) yet?

Was at ion the other day for dinner, and happened to see the lego sg map.. and so did a tiny bit. The whole map was only half done.. so there is a lot more to be done.




I helped.. haha..

Just as world economy is recovering, now it is dubai's turn to chute pattern. Happened that sg market is closed for the PH, and so the market didn't LS like HSI. 5% in a day leh.. where to find? Again, the assumptions led to the bubble.. and so when it burst, the market was shocked. All signs were there, and all sighs here. Hopefully they will work something out during the long weekends, and hopefully there is hope. If so, perhaps there won't be such a big sellout when the market reopens on monday. In anycase, got to brace.

2 days back, the CF's van lost its brakes. Don't know how it was used, but the vehicle that i took to work and back is super chwee.. though it isn't the oldest in the fleet. Just a week ago, the tire was punctured.. and so was the reserve. Had to change, and it cost money. This time, it was the brake disc. It worn off, and stepping on the brakes might cause further damage to the vehicle.. so it was sort of initial D.. engine brake and hand brake were used instead. Thankfully there wasn't much vehicle.. so got home safe and sound.

Thought it was rare to had such incident on road.. but yesterday the cab ran out of engine oil at the middle of CTE, and the cab driver had to arrange for another cab to pick us up. I don't think it is very professional for cab drivers to run out of engine oil. Tire flat maybe.. but engine oil? They don't check their equipment one ar? Especially when it is used for earning money. Well.. at least we do keep our tools at the workshop in good condition.. well.. at least the CM and me. The rest? I don't think they give a damn. This is how it works.

So tiring at work.. as usual. Haha.. and wonder why i shouldn't be.

PH is always tiring coz of all fun-filled activities. I mean, all work no play? Dull leh.

nuF rof tsuJ

.sdnekeew gnol evah t'ndid i dab oot tsuj .. samx eht yllaicepse ,HP gnimoc eht ot drawrof gnikool ,yawynA

.aohw .. yrotciv 1 - 9 a derocs srups eht ees ot ecin saw ti dna .. xob VCS eht ta LPE llits si ereht ,elihwnaeM ?hem eussi gib a ekil litnu ekam ot deen ,naem I ?melborp siht ta gnikool naht retteb gnihton ereht si ,niaga neht tub .. xob pot tes elpitlum gnivah naht retteb is (cp eht no vt hctaw ot uoy swolla) xob vt a gnivaH

.debirb eb t'ndluoc i dab oot tsuJ .hgrA .nais repuS .t'nac i ,neveretni ot .. t'nac i ,erongi oT .nais os gniht sekam tahw si siht dna.. erutnev tnioj a eb t'ndluohs erehT .xam eht ot ti detaH .enil noitcudorp eht ta euqinhcet wen ro gninnur llarevo eht ni tnemevopmi emos rehtie.. deppok saw aedi ym nehw ti detaH .thguoht rof doof emos deen I .emit eht fo tsom ANC ot denut saw ti zoc retteb erom eht lla.. hctaw ot su rof gnihtemos tsael ta si ereht ,vtcc eht sediseb woN .xob vt a saw noitidda tsewen eht zoc.. krow ta eb ot nais syawla t'nsi tI .tib a pu dekcip tahwemos zib dna ,syad 2 tsap eht rof rehtaerb a koot niaR .noitanigami nwo ym ot eud lla saw retteb eb t'ndluoc ti taht nosaer eht dna ..syad wef eseht thgirla saw kroW

.revo si tnemhcatta rieht nehw mih ees ot epoH .yppup a llits ylno won dna ..ed (ruoloc kcalb) rezuanhcs inim rehtona thguob yeht ,SU eht ta revO .el renwo sih sa mum ym sesingocer won eh sseug... emit eht fo tsom reh erongi ot smees ykrap ,emoh tA .gnihtemos xaf ot FC eht ta yb pord ot deneppah ehs os tsuJ .yppah era sregalliv eht lla taht llet nac dna ,SU eht morf kcab emac siS

.nuf etiuq eb dluohs siht kniht i tub ..yzarc tib a m'i beyam ..ko

Car Wash

A few more days before handing over the kuti R1, so had to clean it.

Then i realised, it didn't take much time to wash it.. perhaps it was really too small le. Used to use 2 hours for a vios wash.. but the R1 only needed 1.

Really small.. it can't even fill a lot with its length.

Wondered why some cabbies like to park at the car wash area.. inconsiderate lor.

Anyway, it was an off day on a sunday... it was totally different from the night before. In the end i still woke up around 7am, but it was really nice to have a day which i need not have any commitment. Did quite a bit of upkeeping, and still more to come.. mostly work related.

Beyond Expectations

Performance day, and it was supposed to start at 11.30am. As the brasses didn't have any actual combine, we agreed to practice on the actual day, at 9.00am. Though not advisable, we still did.. and all day, i had to conserve energy.

Tried out a few seating arrangements, and found one where everyone could be heard. It wasn't that bad afterall.

Our combine ended around 11am, and that was coz the percussion had to practice at IPA. Coincidentally, my breakfast was at 11am too. Da bao-ed from home coz didn't had time to eat, and had to delay coz of the combine. 11.30am, and went for lunch.. lol.. i sure am hungry.

The heavy breakfast+ lunch made me very sleepy and tired. By the end of the 1st run, i was making lemonade. My colleague was sick, so had to play back the 1st part of the 1st part. Only to revert at the actual performance.

Abandoned the 2nd run, and only did a full run on the "saints".

The one hour break came, and i was back eating sandwiches. Don't know why.. but it seems that i get hungry easily today..

Then they had some sort of prize giving for the concert committee. Looked as if it was some sec 4 graduation like that. I didn't do much leh.. hahah.. But really.. wanna thank the band director and assistant band director.. and also stage manager for their effort in making this concert a successful one.

Had nothing much to do during waiting.. so we all chance upon the junior ttp's grocery. Was so envious of the junior ttp's husband.. coz she was going to make soup for him.. no body no body make soup for me leh..

The actual performance was beyond my expectations.. was so surprised and glad.. and much to my relieve. All 3 brass pieces were quite well done given that we only got to practice together just this morning. Especially nice was "the entertainer".. perhaps coz i didn't play (kidding).. haha.. I was seated on the stage doing nothing.. so i started clapping. Heng the audience did respond.. if not i would have looked very entertaining (that "the entertainer" being me). It wasn't full house, but given all the circumstances, it was already more than enough.

"William tell" was slightly disappointing towards the 2nd part.. coz was really tired.

I don't know what this concert did to all those who came.. perhaps it inspired them.. perhaps it caused nightmares.. i just did my best. And surprisingly, it touches my heart. Seeing how we all struggled, and yet still didn't give up. The brasses had been great, and very glad to have a senior ttp to guide us.

Supposed to have dinner with my colleague.. but in the end decided to return home. Drove to ntu to return the 16k horn before dropping him off at tpy. A small gesture for him helping out in this concert.

Reached home, and no soup for me =( No dinner too =( So got changed and went out for 'little bowl noodles' at the bcm stall alone. At least xiao wan mian got soup.. hahaha.. so ke lian lor..

A week break.. long awaited. =)

Guilty~ (Bang!)

"Last night, i was dreaming, i was locked in a prison cell."
Only you can set me free, coz i'm guilty.. of love in the first degree
Last night, i was in zouk (again).. it's been a long long time since we all had the chance for mambo on wednesday night. Took leave from work coz had another ktv marathon the following day. It was a bday celebration for the nov babies, and so almost all took leave.

It was always difficult to apply for leave, coz jobs were left to those in the same village. Yet yesterday, was pek chek-ed by the CM.. till i don't want to care what happen in the production line. For the day at least. The leave was timely.. coz i needed to cool down.. yet from what i heard, the work load was very heavy.. and really, i was kind of guilty.

Anyway, mambo night was quite nice though.. coz i finally get to hear the song.

Didn't have much rest.. coz whatever the time i sleep, i'll wake up before 7am. Slept at 5am, and so had around 2 hours of sleep.. and today was another packed day.

Went to the police post to report a lost and found of an ID. Actually wanted to deliver to the owner's doorstep, but i guess it'll be better for the police to handle. At least they will ensure that the owner will get back the ID. How do i know? I lost my ID before..

Went KTV at cine, and was too tired to even sing. Left early for band pract and so missed all the nice dinner they all had =( In the end had to make do with fast food. No sentosa clove though..

Really dislike the stage at IPA coz of all the sound absorbers. I really find it difficult to hear myself.. and so i guess that is why we tend to play so loud. Really not a suitable place for playing music. However, i do like the acoustics below the stage. Didn't get to practice for chamber pieces.. and to do it on sunday with 2 run through, i don't think it is advisable.

Hope to get it over and done with.. coz i need a few sundays to settle some of housekeeping at home and at work.

Sigh

Today was a disappointment. In fact, the rest of the days were too.

Till now, the brasses didn't have even one run-through where everyone is around. How to practice like that? It is kind of unfair. I'm tired, and the feeling of being denied is draining me.

If the body is tired, the mind will too.

Even words failed me at times. Sigh.

Had a dry run today on what was supposed to be our performance the coming week. Had the chance to play at the hall, and really wasn't a good choice for performing. I couldn't hear much of others, and the horn sounded muffled. Disliked it.

I don't know where this is taking me.. it seems the council kept changing directions, and sometimes expectations accelerate faster than improvements.

I do have a choice.

Halloween 09~

Halloween @ zouk was quite fun... was my 1st time taking part in such.. in fact, halloween at anywhere also seems fun.. no need to drink also can be very fun. Saw the evening news, and actually there are some other places having halloween parties. Perhaps might be going elsewhere next year le.

Really didn't have much time to prepare.. anyway i also don't know what to expect. Dressed up as a convict, and... the whole of their staffs all dressed the same. Boring.. hahaha.. next time maybe dress as gundam wor.. or maybe something "boomz". And throughout the night, the staffs kept looking at us.. haha.. perhaps coz we were slacking. Then got one asked me how come my 'uniform' had a belt.. lol..


My uniform.. (pic kop from my friend's album)

Saw quite a few interesting dressups.. including the carebears, 十八铜人, 鬼新娘, ghostbusters, the mario 'brothers' and 还珠格格. It was so funny lor.. especially when the 格格 did a curtsey when i greeted her.. hahaa.. i guess they really got into their roles.

It was actually an advance bday celebration for my friend.. and never was i so amazed by his quotes. I really laughed till my stomach ache. Skipped dinner and so was having gastric.. till we downed the 1st lambor.. it was really flaming lor.. flame until i can't feel my stomach.. but it was nice.. at least sparing me from the gastric.

There was the famous "long island tea contradiction" and also something about the ball-bearings.. haha.. i really can't stop laughing.. sorry for being so evil =)

Towards the end, it was getting a bit worrying.. coz what came out was 1/2 a jug.. and really can't find help.. Maybe next time we all wear a tag with our address.

Slept at around 5 am before waking up at 7 am for band.

All i need is Time

It appears that i might be going for the 1st halloween this coming weekend.

It could be more exciting if i had the time to browse around for props and such.. but sadly, my work schedule never allow for such. In the end, most are DIY and refurbish from used materials from the CF. Might also borrow something from pakki too.. lol..

Work never allowed for time to diy.. had been busier these few days coz was making full use of my time at work. During my free time, i'll arrange the inventory (at the same time learn to recognise some of them) or get to writing my own "procedure and instruction manual". I guess the only way to make a difference is to make a difference. Been at the counter quite a bit more.. and learning a lot more. As usual, customers bypass me, and sometimes tio suan by the CF's staff. Occasionally i did manage to serve a few customers.. even those regular customers. All i need is time.

Very tired and exhausted. Others are not helping at all.. coz it is convenient to just delegate tasks to the hq at CF... while they chit chat. Shake head ar.. and they still say the newspaper vendor job doesn't fill their requirements. Sure the job at CF is tough.. but the pay is quite high for a blue collar. No peanuts, yet monkeys.

In anycase, let them be. I need to strive and excel.. so someday things might change.

Already changing is the entry of 7 new competitors. All result of the supplier that wanted to saturate the market. 15 is the proposed target for the next 3 years.. i don't know if there is still place for the CF at this pace. SG is really very competitive.. it is always easier from another point, coz things are always murky. At least, there are some things for me to start building on. No time eecc and nua liao lo. Time is running out.

Sometimes

Don't know what to make out of it.. felt as if being shot somehow.

Though i was reminded, i just can't help it. Maybe i'm willing to try.. maybe not.. i don't know.

Sis went US again, and kuti chia was in my care again. Been a week since i warmed the R1's engine, so i took it to boonlay for band pract. Since Hini, SCC had been quite crowded.. till there wasn't place to park. In the end i made a detour to the block quite a distance away. Luckily parking is free on sundays.. so long as i don't 'accidentally' park in the season parking lot.

Again, brasses are lacking players.. but it was quite a good sectionals. My colleague joined back, and the horn section double in size. Had the chance to play the alex 130 that cost 16k! Whoa.. it sounded really good, and the higher range didn't have much ohms. A very good horn IMO, and the 130 was just the beginning. Just too bad i didn't have much intention to upgrade anymore.. if not, it really would have been another breakthrough.

Pract ended slightly earlier, and with kuti chia, i reached home just 30+ mins later. Did managed to catch a bit of "十万火急" before going out to da bao kfc for dinner. Fell asleep 20 mins after dinner.. was really too tired le.

My work issue is really taking a toll on me, and sometimes i run, sometimes i hide.. and sometimes i'm sick of it.. but all i really want is to get it right.. all i need is time.

Another Bad Day

Was really trying to find a space at work just to sit down and study.. coz i really wanted to improve on my product knowledge. Today seems to be quite a quiet day, so i thought i could disapper somewhere and continue my studies till i was called upon. Choosen an empty space above the shelves, which i always refer as the "2nd floor" and placed my netbook there. From there, i could see the whole CF.. from the front till the workbench. The only thing bad was that it was very warm.

The only bad thing.. or so i thought. Halfway, the outside worker came in. The van was damaged in an accident and so we had to take over some of the production. So i went to the "1st floor" to help out. Then i heard something being knocked over.. and it was my netbook. The netbook survived the fall, coz it landed on its side, but the usb network card was damaged. Already i tried to place it out of the way, out people, less it get stolen.. yet it just couldn't avoid mishap.

Very sian, coz it seems that there isn't a place for me in the whole CF. I don't even have a permanent place to sit. To think i'm the son of the vader.. how ironic. Now i really looked like a foreign worker.

A kid at the canteen asked my why my clothes were covered in grease.. and i wanted to tell him that it was becoz i didn't study. I didn't, coz i knew i did.

These are just some of the other things that keep accumulating. Just as i had tweeted, 冰冻三尺,非一日之寒. It didn't just occur overnight, and it wasn't just a single event that made it so.

There is a limit to endurance, and to lower it even more is to be reminded how indifferent i should be.

Things are the same, it is easy to quit, yet, if it were so, i would have cleared my sundays. Now that it was further extended to 3 pm..

Sigh.

Blue

The euphoria eroded just a day later.

Yesterday was a bad day. Woke up with a sore throat and was feeling very dizzy. Then got splashed by the hydraulic oil when cutting it. Knew it before hand that it contained quite a bit of oil, and i've been cutting it slowly.. yet it happened. I guess the best way is to drain it before hand.

I guess i must have looked very inexperienced. I hate it when people give me the smirk. Just becoz they know, and i don't. Sigh. The collar is blue, and so is my mood.

Well, it only took half a day. It is difficult to not think, but thinking alone doesn't do anything.

Today was a slightly better day.. so long as i give up the ohms.

Tired, but at least my throat was better. Also, tdbp had a mission complete. Was glad.

Memorable

Indeed.

As usual, went dinning with family.. and since i'm working, it was my treat. Opted for a set dinner, and though it looks expensive (and was really so), the servings were all quite small. It didn't taste as good as it looked, and wasn't really worth it.


Mini de wor.. it was the same size as the spoon.

Had my fill and was off to st james for the usual bday celebration with my sim buddies. Had a bottle of martell left over from the last time, and then opened another one. After crubbing for so long, it was the 1st time our bottle tio kop.. was almost half full.. and really, it was a very sian feeling. Think i should have locked it with a chain or something like that. Haiz.. what to do, i was careless. Don't want to say too much liao.. maybe nobody teach them not to become thief.

In the end, another bottle was opened, and for 'revenge', it was really "tah tah tah" (tah 3 times). I think i met a very "formidable foe".. coz the level was really high. Respectable wor. The others too.. really after we all started working, we all get tired easily. Really thank them all for coming. ^^




Cake and Martell.

Forgot what time i left, coz it was almost 5am when i reached home. Intended to wake up at 10am in the morning for band practice but overslept. Bailed when no cab came after 10 mins, and also, as usual, it was time to clear all the alcohol in me. So i went home instead. Received a call, and in the end had to go for pract again. Reached and i almost puked after the ride.. think i still a bit seh. Yet, i still could play the horn.. haha.. PUI! (playing under influence). Sighted the 2 pieces and they are all quite manageable. Finally a piece choosen, and time to work toward the concert.

Met up with my buddy for dinner, and had quite a sumptuous dinner at sakae. Ordered like very huat like that, and tried quite a few new stuffs on the menu. The pepper beef was especially nice, but the curry udon wasn't. Ate quite a lot coz had skipped lunch.


Woah..

Of coz, the usual well wishes and smses that made my day even more.

All the usual stuffs, yet it was the usuals that was memorable.

A few more days to 26

Been sleeping over at grandma's place for the past 4 days coz grandpa went overseas.

Had not been sleeping well (as expected), but it's alright. I've been 'fed' quite a lot these few days. For breakfast this morning for instance, there was a bowl of oats, 1 mug of cereal, and 4 slices of bread with tuna. And really, i could use quite of bit of the extra energy.

Been quite busy at work these few days making "pipes" (which are actually hyraulic hoses), and the current task took use almost 2 days. It had nothing to do with the size of order.. just that there are really not a lot of them willing to help. For the past 2 days, my shirt was soaked in sweat most of the time. It was really very tiring.. for each pipe weighs around 30kgs or so.. and there are quite a few dozens of them. By the end of the 2 days, my hand almost turned jelly.

And i lost weight yet again..

Very fed up.. coz i can't find a reason to commit myself fully. I'm getting impatient.. but, i didn't have the experience. And experience can't be rushed.

Vader asked me if i still remembered what i've studied in school.. and i told him i've forgotten most. And being in that kind of environment, my english is getting from bad to worse.

In anycase, i don't see much of those like myself in this line.. and there must be a very good reason why.

Meanwhile, i've made my idle funds work a bit. The market is rallying again, and however greedy i am, i didn't put all eggs in one basket. It is easy to lament at the unrealised profits not made.. but what if it turned out the other way? I'm sure i'd be glad. I've done whatever i could. And maybe the only thing i could have done better is picking the ratio of the counters.

So the effect of diversifying is also diversifying away some of the unrealised profits, just as it did so with the amount of risk. (suddenly i missed the banking modules). And i just came across some of the US stocks.. they really do move a lot and either ways. 30 times if i'm not wrong.

A few more days to 26.. and i'm still acting like a kid at times.

111009

Staying over at grandma's house for a week coz grandpa went overseas.

Finally i can put my $15/mth mobile broadband into good use. My initial plan to double it up with a duo sim card failed coz that BB had its own gprs system. Even more sian was that it refuse to take in the mobile broadband sim card, which had unlimited connection. So in the end, i was stuck with an additional contract for 2 years.. while my BB had only 1 GB of data to spend.

So now i'm using the mobile broadband on my netbook, and blogging coz i really had nothing much to do. Spent quite a few moments going through some of the specs of some inventories, and got headache. There is really too much to know, and really, i'm still more interested in finance than engineering. Well, what to do? I might be living on the expectations, and as a result, the level of interest fluctuates greatly for the past month or so.

Performed some dangerous "stuns" to vent my frustrations at the fact that it is a fact. And really, it is slowly consuming me.

I don't know what is it that prevented me from letting it go.. perhaps it was my education. It felt like a mockery thus far, of all my effort (if any) till what am i today. Seriously, i know this is not what i've set out to be. I couldn't have care less of the scope and the nature, but now, i wished i can enjoy what i do.

A new found 'aggression' to speed things up.. however slow it might be.

Been losing interest in the coming band performance coz of the level of participation. The week before already showed how time could be wasted (travelling already took the bulk of it), and seriously, nothing was accomplished at all. This week, the same happened.. but was pre-emped. Of all, only one could make it.. and just like the week before, nothing can be done with missing parts. This is especially so for chamber music.. It might just be the thing needed to drive people away.

Anyway, just take it as another day for me to rest. The hands-on 6 days work is taking a serious toll on me.

The Way it is (2)

After resting for a week, i'm finally back to work.

Prior, i attended some sort of a conference with the vader the day before, and it was really tiring. 7 hours of 'lectures' is really tiring.. plus the food is really cmi.. haha.. makes me wonder if they are sincere or not.

Anyway, i was just there to 'see see look look' and then i realised my well was really too narrow.

All i had was was the lqbz albb experience i had for the past 10 months.. and between engineering and finance, something must have gone very wrong during my decision making process.

Sometimes it isn't so much of the job, but really the people there.

Knowing something is of no use politically. Letting everybody know is.. even if there is no credit involved. The more got dragon and got tiger, the better it is.

Didn't want to say anymore.. this is going to be a vicious cycle.