O O again..

I really don't understand.. must one be bad in order to achieve their goals? For all the things done, it shall be taken for granted. For all the things not, it is a desire. Maybe the attraction comes from the desire. But.. i don't really wish to enter that path.. i on't have much more 5 years. For some, i wanted much to forget.. and others, i very much want to remember. I don't really wish to end up with a dinosaur (coz we really almost always end up with someone that we don''t really liked... haha..

Perhaps.. advantage is to be taken... haiz. But then again, nature isn't what that can be changed.. As it goes.. the tiger never change its stripes.. or was it leopard? haha.. kidding... however much i wished for things to happen, i can only wait. And wish.. i've used up my wishes just for that.

Just got back from OO (2 Os.. that means double O lar..)... really kind of high. But really very much want to control.. i know, for one, i must know turn to the dark side based on the excuse that i'm on a high.. and i despise. Advantage shall not be taken of. (actually i don't really control what i'm blogging..) A lot of nonsense.

For all, it shall never be a route of asphalt.. troubles, difficulties and such. I'm willing to endure.. why can't someone? Always knew that giving is more 'painful' than getting.. (assuming getting from a non dino..)Yet, i rather give, for i want the bliss to showers that someone.. I don't ask for regconition.. yet, why must it hurt? Is it just so that there is care? I don't agree in testing (on humans that is.. ), yet the assurance comes from it. But it really hurts.. real deep. Letting go isn't an option.. for i shall be encapsulated once again. Noble as it sounds.. people are 'lettiing go' of people whom they cared.. And the crap that ' as long as you are happy'..

Perhaps i'm really out of control (today).. yet i'm trying to.. for whatever reason that i'm not matured enough.. it really pierces. And for whatever other reason, i really have no choice. Seeing people around me facing problems, it seems i'm not that only one. But i do really wish that bliss shall follow for a few of my friends.. seeing people getting agonised by the lack of bliss, i really don't know how to help.. i'm lacking too.

Seems the whole village uncover the truth.. cept the few whose antenna fell off.. I wish to deny, yet i can't affirm.

Anyway, i've decide to start early on my studies.. i'm really lacking.. yet i lack much more in non- academic stuffs.. when shall it be? When i enter the dark side?